Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage

Over the years I have owned three separate Frank Zappa CD releases, which equal five different vinyl releases. The first one I ever picked up was Sheik Yerbouti, after that came Apostrophe (') / Over-Nite Sensation, and then finally I picked up Joe's Garage for myself during Christmas that just past (2012). I would have bought more, but until recently Zappa CD's had a habit of running on the more costly side.

The first two compact discs were lost when I lent them to my friend Matt (and if he's reading this I would still like them back please). I replaced Sheik Yerbouti since then, but that's another story for that review. As for Joe's Garage that has it's own fun story.

When I was sixteen I spent the summer at my grandparents (mom's parents) house. During that time I got into my Uncle Greg's record collection and schooled myself on some great classic rock, and other albums. However, I didn't get to listen to too many of the albums because there was only one record player in the house that I felt safe playing most of them on, and that was the one in the dining room. My grandparents were open minded, but not open minded enough to let me listen to the likes of Zappa, and especially not Joe's Garage. At least not when they were around. So, I had to pick and choose which albums I listened to very wisely.

Well as I was getting ready to leave at the end of the summer, I asked my grandma if I could grab some of my uncle's albums. She didn't see a problem with it because he had left them down there for the last fifteen years or so, and it seemed he was never coming back for them. Joe's Garage was one of the albums I grabbed.

When I got home, my mom saw what my grandma had allowed me to do, and promptly called my uncle to see if it was okay. He freaked out, and I lost out on a bunch of killer albums I planned on bagging and mounting on my wall for all to enjoy visually. I had no intention of playing them until I bought a quality turn table. These albums needed proper respect. Something he clearly didn't think I was capable of giving.

Now I'll skip ahead eighteen years. I'm in Dr. Disc, drooling over the Zappa section and all the new remastered rereleases, and I finally grab Joe's Garage because it wasn't stupidly expensive. I can't remember exactly how much it was, but it had come down at least ten dollars. It was time to finally pick it up. I wish I had years before, because it has quickly become one of my favourite albums. Much to my editor's dismay. It hasn't left the CD player since Christmas, and won't be coming out anytime in the near future if I have my way.

I can understand why she has some issues with the album. Some of the lyrics come across as juvenile, crude, obscene, indecent, and down right silly. The entire Rock Opera's content would seem that way to most people, unless you actually sit down and listen to the album. I'm also sure Andria's not impressed that our thirteen year old can sing every lyric spot on at this point either. However, that's about how old I was when my dad first introduced me to Frank, so to me that's okay.

There are two major points I want to get out there before I get into the meat of this album. The first is that this album was originally released in two separate parts. Act I came out in September of 1979, and Acts II & III in November of 1979. The latter two Acts were released together as a double vinyl.

The second point that you need to know about this album is its use of xenochrony. This is basically a recording technique that uses guitar solos from older live recordings and overdubs them onto new studio recordings. According to internet sources all of the guitar solos on the album are xenochronous except for "Crew Slut" (one of my favourite fun tracks on this album) and "Watermelon in Easter Hay" (one of the best damn solos I have ever heard, and even Andria digs this song.)

Other points to know about this album come from the liner notes, and those mainly boil down to explaining the overall theme and concept behind this album. Namely that it's supposed to be done like it was being performed in a high school musical. Not your typical one, and it would fly even less as a high school production today than it would have when it originally came out in 1979.

Now let's get into this beast of a triple album, which is put together on two CDs thanks to modern convenience.

Act I

The Central Scrutinizer is the narrator for the Rock Opera that is Joe's Garage. You need to listen to this track with head phones or when you don't have a teenaged daughter rambling a bunch of verbal diarrhea. Mean while in the background you are hearing this really cool and funk track that you can totally get your groove on to.

Next is the introdcution to Joe and his garage. It's a fantastic little ditty that makes for a happy garage band that sounds much bigger than they really are. But the song is just awesome. If you pay attention to the lyrics it tells you the entire story of the band, and how Joe remember's "things". However, the music in this album is amazingly fun, that works so well for the pretentious elite that are just looking for a gimic, or a hook, while totally blasting them at the same time. Frank was always great at giving the world the middle finger with well chosen words.

Catholic Girls is one of the first songs that Frank rubs the idea of these stuck up snobs noses into what they are really like. He's showing the dirty underbelly that anyone that's dealt with these types of girls understands. All the while the music is crazy and off the hook. I find the beauty of Zappa is his use of xenochrony. He builds these amazing songs around these solos that had been previously recorded live and then essentially creates a whole new piece of art.

Crew Slut is totally bad ass sounding. This is a song about the pornagraphic side of being a rock star, and mainly focusing on how they are tired of these all American good boys. They want a band with a world full of bad girl fantasy. But the music is this total bad ass Country sounding track. This is total ass kicking Country that would make every Hard Rock fan stand up and recognize. This track has more balls in it's music than Rock has had in a long time. It's funny that when the middle music break kicks in both my daughter and my Editor stop talking, almost instantly, and then when the chorus kicks back in they start chatting again. The music is that awesome.

It's still what the Religious Hypocrits would call obscene when it comes to Wet T-Shirt Nite, and they may be right. However, I don't mind. I see it for what it is. This album is musically for the mind. Actually I have to say that I would love to have seen an animated movie done to specifically match the way the album is described to be. Maybe live action if Terry Gilliam was directing, possibly even Rob Zombie.

Next is the instrumental Toad-O Line, which is some awesome Jazz inspired guitar kick assery. I can't stress enough how the music tells the story as much as the music does. You can just let your mind drift as the music takes you away. It's so, so, sweet.

People might ask why I would let my child listen to a song like Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? First off this song is a warning, and I use it to explain that this is why you should always where a condom. Also when I was thirteen I was listening to Guns N' Roses' Get In The Ring, and this song uses nothing but perfectly acceptable PG, maybe a soft PG-13 set of lyrics. Not a single bad word, "my balls feel like a pair of maracas" is about the worst line in the entire song. However, it's an amazing piece of orchestrated music. Although not played with an orchestra.

Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up is a sweet piece in a way. It's a man's heart breaking for a woman that he never should have fallen for.

I should mention that all through out the story the Central Scrutinizer is telling the subliminal story, that's hidden in plain sight.

Also it needs to be mentioned that there are multiple vocalists playing various parts. Joe is always done by Ike Willis, and he sounds amazing. Dale Bozzio is always Mary, the Catholic girl. Frank does a few different parts, including the Central Scrutinizer, and various others do different Borgs. Yes they are called Borgs, and this album was released over ten years before Star Tek: TNG was. Although this man and machine assimulation is a little more kinky.

This ends Act I, or the first vinyl disc, from back in the day.

Act II begins with A Token of My Extreme which I think would have been on there, because it's still on the first disc of the CD and sounds like a perfect album closer. However, it would have been the starting track, and as that it starts a little slow. Alright, there had to be one twisted, but obscenely profane song on the album. Stick It Out is totally and blatantly obvious. But you can totally dance to it, if you have any sense of rhythm. It mocks so perfectly.

Sy Borg finishes off the first CD, and does it with a really cool and mellow groove. This is a total love track, but of a sexy seduction type. It's the sensual side of man and machine loving. It was about having sex with a toaster, before having sex with a toaster meant one of the modern BSG skinjobs. I will say that the lyrical content on this track is a little more PG-13. Some would say obscene and that's because they need a good shag. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't sensor it to some extent. Also how shorting out that toaster from really twisted sex can lead to imprisonment, because those robots have rights too. The next few tracks, which I'm pretty sure made up the entire first side of the second disc ,pretty much make up a Gay Porn set in a prison.

Dong Work for Yuda is naughty, and the modern upity Gay community might have issues with this one. If they have or are willing to have a slightly dirty sense of humour they would love this one. Imagine Oz the prison show mixed with Grease, and you get an idea.

Keep It Greasey is totally prison rape raunchy wrapped up in musical delight. It's a genius of writing. This album was way beyond it's time. Although I think today it would have a larger fight because of how censorship has only gotten worse. Outside Now is the last track in Act II. It's a really good transition piece and sets up the coming part of the album beautifully. How does a musician survive in the world after being on the inside. Especially when that world has made music illegal. This is your typical singing the monologuefor the sake of making it a musical type of song, but since I have mentioned it in a while. The music is totally astounding, and instrumentally interesting.

On top of Frank Zappa's lead guitar, there's Warren Cuccurullo's rhythm guitar, Denny Walley's slide guitar, each also contributing vocals as well as Ike Willis' lead vocals, Peter Wolf and Tommy Mars' keyboard's, Arthur Barrow's bass and vocals, Ed Mann's percussion, Vinnie Colaiuta's drums and combustible vapors (as listed in the album note's), Jeff (like Sting or Madonna) on tenor sax, baritone sax suplied Marginal Chagrin, and bass sax by Stumuk, with other vocals by Dale Bozzio and Al Malkin, and the harmonica by Craig Steward. At least that's for the first act.

The second and third acts use Frank, Warren, Denny, Ike, Wolf, Barrow and Ed, doing all the same things as on the first act. However, now there's Patrick O'Hearn on bass for the song Outside Now, and Vinnie is doing drums and optomentric abandon.

He Used to Cut the Grass is the reflective piece that opens Act III. This is one of those pieces that is meant to give a bit of a story recap, and allow time for a set up for the continuing of the story. But you get it with some really wild freeform Jazz inspired styling. At least that's the way I see it.

Packard Goose is one of the biggest middle finger's I have ever heard anyone give to the record companies. This song was written from the heart, and I find it funny as hell as I'm writing a review for it. According to the song I would be the worst kind of sleeze. How, the government have pretty much taken over the music industry with regulations in order to keep the people stupid. This track also contains an old wiseman's vision, like Obi-Wan doing his blue ghost talk to Luke on Degobah. However, it's the voice of Mary. This also has the distinct privilege of being the longest song on the album.

There are many people that would argue that Watermelon in Easter Hay contains Frank Zappa's best solo. His son Dweezil would be one of them. This solo is surrounded only by two pieces of commentary by Central Scrutinizer. The commentary pretty much is meant to warn you about the dangers of music and to quote "MUSIC can get you pretty fucked up." Once again though I can't stress the music part enough. This is the perfect closing track to the instrumental side of the album. It's so mystical and beautiful. As for the solo itself, it is amazing, as I'm currently listening to my son simulate the notes in the way that we teenage boys do. You don't even notice how long it is. You just float away on a beautiful cloud of guitar notes.

A Little Green Rosetta is that big end of the song chorus piece, where the background repeats over and over, and while some would say what would be considered the closing remarks for the night. I picture Steve Martin saying some zany lines at the end of Saturday Night Live, or Kermit dealing with crap durign The Muppet Show, for the Jim Henson days. It's the perfect closing piece.

This is an album that you have to totally pay attention to, or you'll miss the point. This is a concept album, to totally fuck with your mind, by daring to say the word fuck, at the right time, in the right way.

I love the clarity and the sound textures of this music. This album was using what could best be describe as sampling, before sampling was sampling, and it was doing it to make silly repeating loops. This was imagination and musical invention. This is one of those albums I will be listening to for years.

10/10 - content

10/10 - production

10/10 - personal bias