I am the biggest Alice Cooper fan any of my friends have known, the only exception may be an old buddy by the name of Leigh. He's a little more fanatic about the Coop, but I'm more of a well learned disciple. That comes with being asked some really weird questions, a lot of general knowledge questions, and then questions in which people need to wrap their heads around. I bring this up because one of the first Alice Cooper discussions I ever had with my friend Pat, who I've mentioned many time before, went something like this...
Pat: "Is there really an Alice Cooper album called Zipper Catches Skin?"
Me: "Yep."
Pat: "That's fucked up." I don't think he used those exact words.
Me: "No. Fucked up is the little drop of blood smeared across the cover."
Pat followed that up with some comment about it being twisted, or gross, or something along those lines. I think it's some of that beautiful sick humour that only the master can get away with.
As for the album itself I'm not even sure where to begin. I think that most of this album is humourous. Some of that humour is satire, some is cheeseball, and other tracks are not so much funny ha ha, as funny stab stab. I can't take any of this album seriously, but that doesn't mean it's a crap album. It's different, in a not so good way.
The album kicks of with Zorro's Ascent, which is a pretty good lead off track. It has a great starting gallop, and then moves into a more mellow story telling style, but returns to the gallop for the choruses. I'm not big on the production, or the cheap synth work, but I love the guitar. I also like the fact that the guitar is finally pushed forward in the mix, compared to the last two albums. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that Dick Wagner is back on this album. He hadn't played on an Alice Cooper album since From the Inside.
After that comes Make That Money (Scrooge's Song). I've read over the years that this was originally written for a Rock Opera version of A Christmas Carol that Alice had been working on. Based on this track I have to say that I really would have liked to have heard that album. This is actually a really strong track, and has a great sound to it. In fact, I think I've under rated it over the years. Also once again the guitar work is damn amazing.
Now after a relly good start the album takes a major drop. I Am The Future was a song Alice recorded, but had nothing to do with the writing, for a movie called Class Of '84, which was a Canadian movie. You'd think that would be cool, but I wouldn't. I really don't care for this song.
The next song, No Baloney Homosapiens is musically interesting and lyrically a total laugh riot. "Hey you out there in outer space / You're lookin' at some style and grace / The blood and gutty human race / Well, come on down here to meet us / And all you sightings up there in the sky / Feel free to drop in anytime / Anytime you're just kinda passin' by / And you get the urge that you want to see us / Oh, we're fun and games / Just guys and just dames / But don't call us names / And most of all, please don't eat us / 'Cause we're no baloney, homosapiens / We ain't phoney / Oh we're no baloney homsapiens / Listen, just 'cause you got / More ears than eyes / That just gives you more places to cry / And acutely hear all the moans and sighs / Of the relatives of the people / You disintegrated / And don't you say we're easy prey / 'Cause buddy, that's the day / Your underestimation will defeat you / But don't worry, we're civilized / And we won't eat you / 'Cause we're no baloney, we're homosapiens / We ain't no phoney / Yeah, we're no baloney homosapiens / We're black and white / You're green and blue / Well, we're all right, so are you... I think / My blood's thick red / You bleed black glue / So, let's not bleed at all / Is that all right with you / Yes, we're no baloney, we're homosapiens / We're not phoney / Yeah, we're no baloney homosapiens / Yes, we're no baloney, homosapiens / Take it back with ya / We're no baloney homosapiens / No baloney, homosapiens ".
It's funny, I had forgotten that this album is classified as one of the "blackout" albums. There are three albums that share this honour, Special Forces was the first, this is the second, and DaDa was the third. These albums were all released during the worst of Alice's drinking, and he can't remember much about recording any of them. I think this also helps to explain a lot about them as well. If you look at how he had to change to try and stay current, with Flush The Fashion I would have started drinking heavily too, and I would have drank even harder to keep Special Forces out of my mind, which would lead to this odd album you are currently reading about, and then the inevitable suicide note that DaDa comes across as. Although that album is wickedly awesome.
Adaptable (Anything For You) is a cross between Hard Rock and New Wave. It works in some ways, but in others it's totally silly, specifically in the lyric department. "If you were Lucy / I'd be your Ricky / When you were juicy / I'd get real sticky / And when you're magic / It makes me tricky, too / Yeah, I'm a Sony / You're Panasonic / I'm heavy metal / You're philharmonic / If you get earaches / I'd turn my volume down / A notch or two for you / 'Cause I will do anything for you / Anything you want me to / I'm so adaptable to you / Was untrappable 'til you / I will do for you / Anything for you / Adaptable to you / Adaptable to you / If you do that fold out / I'll scream and holler / But when you hold out / I'll spend three dollars / One way or other, babe / I'll spend the night with you / That's true / Now, you ain't no Hepburn / And I ain't no Fonda / But if you were drownin' / In Golden Ponda / Mouth to mouth / I'd resuscitate with you / Because I'm so adaptable to you / Anything you want me to / I'm so adaptable to you / Was untrappable 'til you / I will do for you / Anything for you / Adaptable to you / Adaptable to you / Adaptable to you / So plug me into you / Say you're Vampira / And needed plasma / And I was dying / From chronic asthma / I'd leave my death bed / To draw some blood for you / Just for you / Because I will do anything for you / Anything you want me to / And I will do anything for you / Anything you want me to / Yes, I'm so adaptable to you / Leave a craps table for you / On a winning streak / I will do for you / Anything for you / Adaptable to you / Adaptable to you". Although this song has inspired some of my own writing over the years, but not on purpose.
I Like Girls isn't a bad song, but it's not a good song either. This is a total cheeseball song. It has some artistic merit, but not much. However, when mixed with the next track, Remarkably Insincere, the two make a cool combo. They work well together, but I would suggest either for your listening pleasure.
Tag, You're It, has a lot of the same musical feel of Zorro's Ascent's faster parts, but the production keeps it from sounding as brutal as it could especially since the song is about the lead monsters in slasher flicks that made up the horror side of the movie industry in the late seventies and early eighties. It even talks, and I do mean talks, about Halloween. This song, I think really could have been more than it was.
If this album had been more popular than it was I would say that Violent Femmes stole their main riff for Blister In The Sun from the song I Better Be Good, or they were heavily inspired by it. As for the song I Better Be Good, it really isn't that good. It's a bit of a filler to me.
Every albm has a song that I would call my favourite, and on this album it would be I'm Alive (That Was The Day My Dead Pet Returned To Save My Life). The only reason I can give for this is the song title. Musically there are better songs on this album, and the lyrical content is corny, but I do really enjoy the song. For the longest time it was the only song on the album I would listen to, but mostly because I love the silly lyrics. "I was just kicking down the street / And the sun was in my eyes / So I couldn't see the truck / That was sixty times my size / And just seconds off from splattering me / Let me tell you / I was so scared I couldn't move / Like my boots were full of glue / Then I felt a little tug / And I thought of good Old Blue / And he pulled me from that catastrophe / That was the day / My dead pet returned to save my life / I'm alive / He's alive / I'm alive / I was spitting in the canyon / Near the cliff up on the mountain / When an unexpected sneeze / Hung me in the breeze / At forty five degrees in the sky / Suddenly I felt something / Had me by the belt / And in between my praying / Swore I heard a stallion neighing / Was the ghost of my horse / And I cried, yes I cried / That was the day / My dead pet returned to save my life / That was the day / My dead pet returned to save my life / I'm alive / He's alive / Hey, I'm alive / Things were getting gory / Got caught on territory / Belonging to the Crutches / In an alley in their clutches / Looking kind of dismal that night / Well the leader's name was Fats / Swinging broken baseball bats / Things got really frantic / Starting jumping in their panic / Hallucinating billions of rats / Lots of rats / That was the day / My dead pet returned to save my life / That was the day / My dead pet returned to save my life / I'm alive, I'm alive, real alive / That was the day my dead pet returned / That was the day my dead pet returned / That was the day my dead pet returned / That was the day my dead pet returned / To save my life / I'm alive, I'm alive / He's alive, he's alive, he's alive / I'm alive, yeah / He's alive, he's alive / I'm alive, real alive / Alive, alive, alive / Alive, alive, alive, alive / Alive, alive, alive, alive / I'm alive".
At the end of this album I would have to say that this album is the worst in the Alice Cooper catalogue, but only because of how cheesy most of it is. Musically it's the best out of Flush The Fashion, Special Forces and Zipper Catches Skin. Production wise it's okay, but not great. It's equal to Flush The Fashion, but for different reasons. The sound quality is better, but it's not really produced all that much.
I will say that if it wasn't for Zorro's Ascent, Make That Money and the last track, I would have almost nothing to do with this album, and it would collect a lot more dust on the shelf, than it does now. I would also never suggest anyone but the hard core fans pick up this album. Especially since it's an import, and that tends to cost more money.
5/10 - content
6/10 - production
5/10 - personal bias
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