I am about to embark on one of the hardest reviews I have ever had to write. Not because Lulu is Metallica's worst album ever released, but because it's just not that simple.Let me start by quoting the site loureedmetallica.com. "Lulu is a musical collaboration between Lou Reed and Metallica."
"It is inspired by German expressionist writer Frank Wedekind’s play Earth Spirit and Pandora’s Box, which tells the story of a young abused dancer’s life and relationships, and are now collectively known as the Lulu plays. Since their publication in the early 1900s, the plays have been the inspiration for a silent film (Pandora’s Box, 1929), an opera, and countless other creative endeavors. The plays challenged the sexual and moral standards of their day and have remained highly controversial. Originally the lyrics and musical landscape for Lulu were sketched out by Lou for a theatrical production in Berlin. After Lou performed with Metallica at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concerts in New York in 2009 they all knew they wanted to make more music together. The Lulu project began in May 2011 at HQ studios in Northern California, with Lou’s lyrics as the starting point."
This was the first thing I ever read about the album, and it was before I owned a copy. Between that and the two names on this album, I knew from the beginning this was not going to be typical in any way. What I didn't expect was two albums worth of Lou's constant old man rambling. Then when I heard the first single The View, and I use the term single loosely, I knew that every Metallica fan would be thinking about finally burning their entire collections in stupidity and disgust.
This album all of a sudden wiped everyones memory of how much they thought St. Anger, Load and Reload sucked.
It opens with Brandenburg Gate. Aside from word choices, this is a pretty standard song about someone bored with life. "I would cut my legs and tits off / When I think of Boris Karloff and Kinski / In the dark of the moon / It made me dream of Nosferatu / Trapped on the isle of Doctor Moreau / Oh wouldn’t it be lovely / I was thinking Peter Lorre / When things got pretty gory as I / Crossed to the Brandenburg Gate." The lyrical choices would have been shocking twenty years ago or more, but now a days they are pretty tame.
The thing is this album is a concept album and the lyrics tell the entire story as long as you pay attention to what is going on. Which is why most people couldn't understand James Hetfield's constantly singing "I am the table" in The View. First off Lou Reed should not have been the one to sing on here, at least not as much as he did. It really makes me not want to listen to what is being said. His voice was always pretty shit sounding, which was part of the appeal once upon a time, but on here it's a distraction. He was the wrong story teller, or he shouldn't have been the only one.
Before I get into anymore songs I should explain that musically this album falls into three or four different catagories. The first is musical experimentation, which is cool to listen to once in a while. The second is left over clips from Death Magnetic that didn't fit into any other song. The last catagory is split between jamming and freeflowing with spoken words. Sometimes it's pretty cool, and other times it's completely shit. It's like listening to Metallica sounding like the most strung out on heroine version of a Velvet Underground cover band.
Pumping Blood is one of the songs on this album I actually enjoy. Lou's voice is tolerable within the context of the music. Lyrically I get few laughs, but not out of mockery, out of a really dark humour. "Blood spurting from me / "Oh Jack, Jack I beseech:" / "Jack, I beseech you, I beseech:" / In the end it was an ordinary heart". I find myself often quoting this while laughing in a twisted way. It's just one of those songs.
Mistress Dread is shit. I wish there was a strap of blood that I could use to gag Lou on this one. This is also one of those songs that sounds like a Death Magnetic riff left over. Not even left over, just stock riffing abuse. Lyrically it could have been a lot better if someone else had been singing it, because the content is decent.
"You can’t put a butterfly in a jar / If the effort’s too high no matter who you are / You can’t catch the moon, or the sun or the stars / It doesn’t matter who you are / Iced honey / Now me I’ve tried a million tricks / To make life cold and make it stick / Not running heat that flames then out / But the proud piece of ice that always floats / Iced honey". This is probably the only song on this double album set that I will ever be interested in hearing Metallica perform live. However, James has to sing the entire song. This is a really good rock song, with some fantastic lyrics. However, I will admit to constantly mocking Iced Honey. There is one line that goes "See if the ice will melt for you", which I swear they ripped off the way it's sung from Cookie Monster. Sing that line using the melody for C Is For Cookie, and start being afraid that the next Garage album may contain Sesame Street covers. Or, be really excited if you are weird like me.
The last track on the first disc is Cheat On Me. Musically it sounds like Metallica are channelling Led Zeppelin and The Doors in a jam. This song sounds very much like it was recorded live off the studio floor and they never looked back, but in a cool way. It's eleven minutes and twenty-six seconds of pure free flow, with some spoken word for story, and background vocals for emphasis.
Now the idea of listening to this as a double disc set is very daunting. It's not easy on the brain, ears, or attention span. Even though the first disc only runs about fourty minutes it feel a lot longer. Cheat On Me for example feels like it's close to twenty minute instead of half that time.
The total running length of this double album concept record is equal to that of Pink Floyd's The Wall. However, when you listen to it, it sounds twice as long. There are a few of us that would have sworn this album ran a lot longer.
When I look and see there is only four tracks on the second disc I start to feel some relief, but then I look at the length of some of the tracks and go into a bit of a panic.
Let me be very clear. DO NOT listen to both albums back to back unless you are a real artsy type, with the ability to overlook long drawn out songs. Take in mind that this is coming from a guy that loves Jethro Tull's Thick As A Brick, Rush's 2112, and Iron Butterfly's In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. And, just to be clear I mean the full length songs, not just the albums that share the same names. And, if you don't know two of those songs take up one whole side of a vinyl each, and one is an album long song.
The four tracks look like this; Frustration 8:34, Little Dog 8:02, Dragon 11:10, and Junior Dad 19:29. However, they feel like at least twice the length, and that's being generous.
The first track, had some real potential. Frustraion has two major strikes against it. Lou Reeds vocals, and a mid section that sounds like unintentional disjointed crap that Lou thought should be used because it's art. The lyrics are hit and miss for me. Part of me really likes the concept and word choices, but part of me hates the word choices and delivery. This is another one that often get's mocked, but not in a good way. The line "Spermless like a girl" is just odd and a bit silly no matter how you want to rationalize it, and let me tell you I have defended the concept eventhough I hate the wording.
Little Dog is one of those songs that once again has me on the fence. This one basically sounds like a poetry/spoken word performance, with a little music added for flavour. "If you got the money you can go to the top / The female dog don’t care what you got / As long as you can raise that / Little doggie face to a cold hearted pussy / You could have a taste". I know it's a bit vulgar, but really, that's the point, and it's effective. The Instrumentation on this one makes me think of accoustic Nick Cave of sorts. Actually I'd love to hear Nick Cave do a cover of this song, I may like it better.
You would think that after fourty years, almost fifty, Lou Reed would be tired with singing about heroin, or clearly obvious references. Dragon proves that anyone thinking that would be wrong. Of all the songs that Lulu contains, this is the one I like the least. trying to even get through it while writing the review brings me some mental anguish. There really is no saving grace to this song. Even the music I find boring, in a St. Anger kind of way.
The album ends with Junior Dad. Now imagine taking Nothing Else Matters, Mama Said, Low Man's Lyric, and the first two Unforgivens, mix them up into one twenty minute long song, with less lyrics than any other song on this album, and you get Junior Dad. This is long, incredibly slow, and will induce episodes of narcolepsy.
At the end of it all, I'll boil it down as simply as I can. Read the lyrics in the liner book, at least four or five times, just so you can at least half ass figure out what is going on. Then listen to the album. Then take the album, put it back on the shelf, and don't listen to it again for a while. After a significant amount of time has passed and you have forgotten how fucked up the album really is, give it a second try. You may not like it any better, but you might have a bit more of an appreciation for it. Unless you are a die hard Metallica fan. In which case this album will always suck for you.
If you need it summed up even easier, this is an artsy shmartsy album, for the pretentiously ridiculous.
Also just as an after thought, I feel I should mention that this album sounds like it was produced and recorded using the Garage Days revisited studio, or possibly my basement. I'm not entirely sure.
5/10 - content
5/10 - production
3/10 - personal bias
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