* - Another version of this review was originally published September 13, 2011, on facebook. Updates were made May 23, 2012.This was the album my friends were waiting to read about what I thought, because this was the album the fans were waiting for. However, the same thing I said then applies now. If you're waiting for me to rave about Alice Cooper's Welcome 2 My Nightmare, you're not going to be happy, or maybe you will. But, the most important thing to remember is that this is an album, not a collection of songs. Although it has some good singles in it.
If you look at this album as a follow up to Welcome To My Nightmare, as the title, album art and presence of Steve Hunter, Dick Wagner and Bob Ezrin would indicate, it's almost as disappointing as the aforementioned cover art. If you look at the album as a follow up to Along Came A Spider, it's a bit of a let down, all be it, a well thought out one that will grow on you with multiple listenings. In fact after almost nine months since I originally wrote the review I find I mainly start the album on what would most likely be the second side in the days of vinyl.
The album starts off with the dark ominous sound that nightmares have, including the air of familuarity needed to set the mood with I Am Made Of You. A song clearly meant to set up the album much like the title track of the original. This one doesn't have the swing or deep laced groove, it has frightening ambience instead. However, it's on the second listen that you truly get what it's all about.
Caffeine, it's fun and bouncy while conjuring images of the kids in Nightmare on Elm Street 3 to mind, O.D.ing on Red Bull and cappaccinos. If those things had been around then. I'm not sure how serious to take this song, because it comes off as a teenagers hyped up on caffeine and that is sometimes just a little too much for me.
The third track, The Nightmare Returns, is a sound bite to let you know that you are now asleep. Then you find yourself on A Runaway Train. Being carried away with the baddest of the bad. The best part about this song is that Dennis Dunaway, Neil Smith and Micheal Bruce can still play like it's 1973. The down side is they chose to sound like Slick Black Limosine on this track, which isn't a bad thing when you're reflecting what it's like barrelling down the train tracks to your doom.
From there Alice finds himself as The Last Man On Earth, and discovering that it's actually not a bad thing. This is a good track if you enjoy some old time tuba and violin feel. As time has gone on, this is one track that I enjoy singing along with more and more. Not due to the content, but because it just sounds so fun.
The first song to sound like some real classic Alice Rock, is also the track that features Rob Zombie. The Congregation is this albums Department of Youth, but rips it up more like a track from Billion Dollar Babies. Also, it should be mentioned that Rob does not play "Rob Zombie" in his performance as The Guide. Instead he plays The Guide which makes it so much better. It would have made a great Rock single, if it wasn't being made by a man that has been making music since the mid 60's.
I'll Bite Your Face Off is the bad fungus that grows on you for this album, because every album needs to have one. I mean every single album, I have ever come across has one of these songs. It's also the second song to feature the remaining orignal band and they kick it out like 1974. I wasn't happy with it as a lead off single, but hey, it's real rock by real rockers and there just isn't enough of that, even though I didn't care for it the first few times I heard it.
It's scary that this album has a second bad fungus, Disco Bloodbath Boogie Fever. On first play, it's a WTF? On second play, it's not too bad. By the third play you're able to overlook the fact, that the first time you heard it, you thought this was the song that Ke$ha helped write, and you were ready to put a bullet into Alice's head for, especially during the parts where it sounds like Weird Al is doing vocals on this album as well. However, around the 2:30 marker, all of a sudden, the monster that is Alice crushes the nightmarish disco sound under it's guitar shredding heels. A style I wish he would have left back on the Goes To Hell album.
Then it's on to Ghouls Gone Wild. If it had been done in the same way that Rob Zombie did his last two albums, it may have sounded awesome. The way it was done on here instead sounds like a steaming pile left over from the demos that became The Who's Summertime Blues. It's a cliche surfer sounding track that is better suited in a Scooby-doo episode than hurting this album. Something To Remember Me By is a filler ballad forgetable five seconds after When Hell Comes Home starts. Truly the most Nightmarish sinister sounding song on this album, dealing with the very real horror of abusive drunk parents. This is the third and final track recorded with original band and is The Alice Cooper Group's last great fear pumping, fright factory. It breathes the same breath as I Love The Dead, conjuring the same dark depths of Black Juju and then leaves you as spellbound as My Stars. And, that's the simplified description.
"Dear God, what the fuck is Ke$ha doing on an Alice album?!" I'm eating those words now. What Baby Wants may honestly be one of the best songs on the album, and should have been the second single, if there had been one. Not because Ke$ha is on it and it will become super popular for that stupid reason. It's due to the fact that you don't realize that it's the blonde, white trash, space cadet that gave us all those lovely and charming ditties about partying like Mick Jagger. Instead we get The Lady In Red leading Alice around by the nose, because what baby wants, baby gets. We also get a great groove that you can get it on to, while still dueting.
The vocal part of the album finishes up with a country-esque, show tune styled summary of the nightmares in a kind of "spelling it out for the simple" way, until it hits you with a monster right hook. I won't wreck the surprise that will have you laughing when you hear it. It's not a bad laugh either. The joke is totally intentional and actually solidifies the album in a way that makes subsequent listenings more interesting.
The album then rolls credits with a score of signature Nightmare instrumentation that is literally orchestrated to bring the nightmare to a final end. Not a word is spoken and you can feel that somehow it's all finally over. This time the monster won't come back.
The bottom line, you can't just listen to this album once. If you do you won't like it, as it comes off as a mix of Special Forces, Lace And Whiskey, Muscle Of Love, Constictor and Trash. Which isn't exactly a great image if you understand the references.
Instead give it a couple listenings. You'll quickly discover that it actually belongs mixed in with any album released between 1973 and 1980. Which is to say that it has elements from Billion Dollar Babies to Flush the Fashion, good and bad. An album for the fans.
Since I originally wrote this review my opinion on the album has slightly changed. Because it is an album for the fans, and Alice has pretty much said that it's the last one, I have a more nostalgic view towards it, but I only truly like a little over half of the album. A few of the songs are filler that I think would have hurt Alice's career if they had been part of the original Nightmare.
7/10 - content
9/10 - production
8/10 - personal bias
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