Cheech & Chong - Cheech & Chong's Wedding Album

So, I've decided to give myself a challenge. I'm going to write a review for a comedy album, but not just any comedy album. This is the review for one of the best non-stand-up comedy albums I have ever heard, which contains one of the greastest Hard Rock songs I have ever heard.

Cheech & Chong's Wedding Album contains eleven tracks of comedic genius, and not just a bunch of dumb stoner jokes as one might think. While there are also some dick jokes, there aren't any fart jokes. However, I don't want to spoil any jokes or punchlines, so I'm going to try and keep the descriptions down to a minimum. Just try and give you an overview of how things play out.

Also, before I get into the tracks too much I want to talk about Lou Adler, the producer behind this album. This is the same Lou Adler that directed the first movie as well. However, he was a record producer first, working with artists like; Sam Cooke, The Mamas & the Papas, Johnny Rivers, Barry McGuire, Scott McKenzie, The Grass Roots, Spirit, Carole King, and The Weaver Temptations. However, music is a bit easier to produce than music, but only in the sense that it doesn't generally require the special effects and noise effects needed to make a comedy track work. Not to mention that the sound has to be spot on, to make it all actually sound real, and not just like an old radio show.

Just as a little added note. Lou Adler was also the producer for The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The first track on the album is called Championship Wrestling. Although this is supposed to be a multi layered audio gag, I think it's more of a humourous art piece. I think that Meatloaf may have stolen this idea when he recorded Paradise By The Dashboard Light.

The Other Tapes follows that. This is basically the audio version of a slapstick piece. Cheech's character is covered in tape, and Chong's character is pulling it off. Let the silliness ensue.

One of the cool things about a Cheech and Chong comedy album is the way they are put together. I've personally owned three in my lifetime. This album (Wedding aAlbum), Big Bamboo and Greatest Hit (that's not a typeo), and all of them have a flow that's perfect. For example Championship Wrestling runs just shy of seven minutes, The Other Tapes follows that, running just over two minutes, and then Testimonial By R. Zimmerman hardly breaks the twenty second barrier. It's this great little filler, with a cheesy punchline that you can't help but laugh at.

Then it's on to Hey Margaret. If you have ever seen Cheech & Chong Still Smokin' you may remember this skit at the end of the movie, when they are doing their "live" show. Basically this is a couple that go to a pornography theater in 1974, and the husband is trying to get the woman interested in watching the movie. Then once she is interested, the man wants to leave in disgust. It's a great shot at the Archie Bunker type of the day.

Track five is one fo the greatest Hard Rock songs ever, Earache, My Eye. The song is listed as featuring Alice Bowie, which was the name of Cheech & Chong's band. The lyrics are about the joys and pleasures of being a transvestite Rock Star. And when you are done laughing your ass off, you notice that the guitar in this song is amazing. The main riff is thick and heavy sounding, and so damn awesome that Metal bands have covered it, the first one I can think of is Korn. However, the part no one ever covers is the part of the comedy routine that the title actually comes from, which is not part of the actual song.

After that it's on to three tracks that all work within each other. Wake Up America, Black Lassie (A Great American Dog), and Wake Up America (Conclusion). The first part is a paraody of Geraldo Rivera, featuring Gerendo Revolver doing an in depth investigation into the music industry. It's funny how this was recorded in 1974 before Geraldo became the joke that he ended up as. The idea is he's supposed to be doing an expose on drugs, sex, and money in the music industry while being completely oblivious about what's going on around him.

Black Lassie (A Great American Dog) is another music piece. This is a major Funk song, about a dog born in the Detroit Ghetto. It comes in as a song the reporter is supposed to be listening to. This song has a flute, and one hell of a wah solo. It get's so in depth that the vocalist has to reprimand him during the performance. I actually listen to this song and Earache My Eye as normal songs. They are funny, but they are so amazingly well written and performed.

The conclusion to Wake Up America is just that. It's a short track of pleasantries and ass kissing, that brings everything to a nice ending, by pointing out that the music industry is screwed because society is.

There are two characters that are continuing characters thoughout the multiple albums and even the first Cheech & Chong movie. Pedro and Man, are the actual names of Cheech (Pedro) & Chong (Man) in the first movie. Those two characters are also here on the track The Baby Sitters. Which features a contest to see who can hold their breath the longest and Man ignoring everything while he's got his headphones on.

This flows right into the Three Little Pigs, which is a story Pedro is telling to the kids. But, it's not the little pigs we know. This is the story of three really messy kids that don't clean up after themselves, so the parents abandoned them. Then the three little pigs are forced to deal with the landlord.

The only track on this album that actually contains any real drug jokes is Coming Attractions which finishes off the album. I think the only reason it's called Coming Attractions is due to the fact that they never would have gotten away with a track called Mr. Dope America. At least not in 1974.

This album made me roar with laughter the first time I heard it, and it's taken everything I have to review it seriously. This is a comedy album that you need to own, and I don't know any other way to say it.

8/10 - content

10/10 - production

8/10 - personal bias

Dio - Holy Diver

There are three great voices in Heavy Metal, Bruce Dickinson, Rab Halford and Ronnie James Dio. I'm a huge fan of the first one, I respect and enjoy the second one, and the last one is the original Heavy Metal Vocalist God.

The Holy Diver album is one of those albums that is beyond classic. Ronnie James Dio ventured through Black Sabbath and Rainbow, as well as Elf if you really want to go back, to come out swinging solo with a record that is almost considered Gospel. Stand up and shout starts off the album with blinding speed and furious riffing. It's a great song, and it will pump you up. There was no better way to start this album off. If you've never heard the song, please go educate yourself.

The title track follows that up. It's ominously slow, and really creepy. It slithers into your mind, and lays eggs of imagination. "Holy Diver / You've been down too long in the midnight sea / Oh what's becoming of me / Ride the tiger / You can see his stripes but you know he's clean / Oh don't you see what I mean / Gotta get away / Holy Diver / Shiny diamonds / Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue / Something is coming for you / Race for the morning / You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light / Oh we will pray it's all right / Gotta get away-get away / Between the velvet lies / There's a truth that's hard as steel / The vision never dies / Life's a never ending wheel".

I have to say that Gypsy is probably my favourite song on this album. I love the guitar work, and Dio's voice is so sexy sounding. Some people may consider this a bit stock sounding, because it has a tone and vibe that could easily be mistaken for Heaven & Hell or Rainbow, in a very good way. Also I love when Dio let's loose with, "So I'm ridin' / Yes I'm ridin' / I'm still ridin' on the gypsy / On the gypsy queen".

Caught In The Middle is a good solid rock song, but the part that stands out the most to me is that this song was written by Dio, Vivian Campbell and drummer Vinny Appice. With the exception of Lars Ulrich and Neil Peart you don't find drummers getting writing credits too often.

I know there are many people out there that love Don't Talk To Strangers, and while I acknowledge this is a fantastic song, it's not one of the songs that gets me off. On the original vinyl release, this song finished off the first side of the album. That was a genius idea, because this is a great closer, and would have me running to flip the record, so I could engorge myself on more musical ecstasy.

The second side of the album opens with Straight Through The Heart. This is a big heavy riffing song. I have to say that Vivian Campbell wasted his talents going to Def Leppard. I mean he's done some good music with them, but he was so much better with Dio. Although I'm not a fan of his solo on this song, I find it a bit grating and sloppy.

Invisible is one of those songs that starts all swimmy and ripply sounding, almost Styx sounding. Then it's on to the heavy riffing and Dio howling. This is one of those songs that sounds like three different bands rolled into one. There's the Styx like artsy sound, and performance aspects, a very clear Rainbow/Deep Purple heaviness, and soloing that could easily be taken for Kane Roberts era Alice Cooper. The last example actually came out after this album, but that's not the point.

I don't know if Holy Diver or Rainbow In The Dark is the most popular song on this album. However, Rainbow In The Dark would be my choice. "When there's lightning - it always bring me down / Cause it's free and I see that it's me / Who's lost and never found / I cry for magic - I feel it dancing in the light / But it was cold - I lost my hold / To the shadows of the night / There's no sign of the morning coming / You've been left on your own / Like a Rainbow in the Dark". You can also tell by the music that everyone in the band wrote this song, including bassist/keyboardist Jimmy Bain. It made this song so strong, solid and powerful, everywhere. It wasn't just Campbell doing a wicked solo and Dio giving good voice, it's also a great keyboard riff, and an awesome rhythm section.

Shame On The Night is a perfect album closer. It's such a sexy, dark, creeper of a song. This is Dio's Night Prowler (AC/DC). The groove, and simple musicianship explodes in waves of audio ecstasy. I mean this song really gets into you, and then takes you into the night. "For places Ive been, and what I've seen / For giving me the strangest dreams / You never never never know just what they mean / And ooooohh... Shame on the night / You dont care what youve done / Here I go, Ive got to run....... / Shame on the night / Shame shame on you / Shame on my dreams / Shame on the sun and You / Shame on the night / Well I lost my home on the Magic Flame, but now I know your name / Shame on the night / Shame on you..... / Shame on ALL of you / Shame on the night / ( evil laughing ) / Now im just a worthless Diver... ". What a way to end an album.

Aside from one solo I don't care for and a couple of songs that sound a bit stock, this album is almost perfect. I also feel the need to compliment Dio's production, and when I say that I mean that Ronnie James Dio did an amazing job producing this album.

This album should be in every serious Hard Rock / Heavy Metal fan's collection and if it isn't, shame on you.

10/10 - content

9/10 - production

9/10 - personal bias

WWF - Forceable Entry

Let me start by saying that I have, and from time to time, still enjoy watching WWE Sports Entertainment. During the phase when I watched it the most I picked up a few of the CDs that were released. Although all of them were released under the WWF title, not WWE, so I will remember them as such.

Forceable Entry contains nineteen tracks that were the themes for various wrestlers, or the opening credit music. Some of the songs are originals recorded specifically for this collection, others are remixes of well known songs, and all of these are done by some of the biggest groups in Rock or Metal at the time.

The album opens with Drowning Pool's The Game, which was Triple H's Theme, before he got a much better one performed by Motorhead. This is an okay song, but it never really did much for me. In fact it helped me boo Triple H that much more.

A cover of ZZ Top's Legs totally makes sense as a theme for Stacy Kiebler, and the version given by Kid Rock is top notch. It's very faithful to the original, and has a it's own unique flavour and finger print.

I've never really been a fan of Creed, and I'm not even sure why Young Grow Old was included on this disc. Then after a quick interent search I see it was the theme for the 2002 Backlash. Which makes sense, since that's when this album came out. This song is okay, if you are into Creed, but I don't really care all that much about it.

Disturbed is another band that I can go either way on. They were okay, and filled a void in the time in which they came out, but they were always too angry for me. However, that works for theme music for someone like Stone Cold Steve Austin. The song Glass Shatters isn't my cup of tea, but serves the purpose it is intended for.

I have no clue why someone thought it would be a good idea to use Limp Bizkit's Rollin' as The Undertaker's theme. And, I really have no clue what's up with the Dead Man Remix, and how it differs from the original, but wow did I loathe it. Not only do I think this song is shit, but it really upset me I had to hear it every time Taker came out. I want to crank up Austin's theme and then release all that anger on Fred Durst with a steel chair every time I hear this song.

I know it's cliche in one sense, but I think having Our Lady Peace (a Canadian group) perform the theme for Chris Benoit (a Canadian wrestler) was totally cool. The song Whatever is actually a really good track, and although I'm sure that these days there's some major distance with this song and it's relation to Benoit, it shouldn't be overlooked. "There's no holding me back / I'm not driven by fear / I'm just driven by anger / And you're under attack / I'm just climbing up slowly / I'm the one and only / The tease, the way you lie / The stumble in your mind / The fear, the hope inside / They hit here / Hit here / But whatever you need / 'Ever you got / 'Ever you want / I'll take back again / Whatever you need / 'Ever you got / 'Ever you want". It's prefect for a wrestler's introduction.

Edge, had a wicked theme when he came out. He was blessed with Rob Zombie's Never Gonna Stop, sadly it's some completely crappy remix called The Black Cat Crossing Mix, that's on this CD. I can't stand listening to this version. It sounds like someone opted to just strip out the song's substance and leave behind only the catch phrases.

The band Breaking Point had shown early promiss with their debut 2001 album Coming Of Age, which is how they landed the theme for Rob Van Dam, with the song One Of A Kind. Also from their 2001 album. This is honestly a decent track, although depending on personal tastes you may or may not enjoy it.

I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when Marilyn Manson ended up allowing Smackdown (Thursday Night's WWF show at the time) to use The Beautiful People for the show's theme. Sure it was remixed to make TV friendly, but my surprise came more from the fact that for the longest time he didn't want to be associated with that community. He had gone as far as askingThe Headbanger to stop wearing his t-shirts into the ring. Then one day, he has the lead off music for the night. Also this version is not as good as the original.

I couldn't stand the RAW (Monday night show) theme for the longest time. I thought the song Across The Nation was nothing more that quick throw away music from a second rate band, The Union Underground. I still think the same thing, but I enjoy the track a lot more now than I did when I was watching the show.

Sevendust's theme for Chris Jericho, was well done. Break the Walls Down, was a perfectly written and played theme that captured the wrestler's mentality quite well. I actually enjoy the song more now, then I did back then. "Come on, (Jerichooo) / You know I got ya, yeah / One, Break the wall down (Ahhhhhh) / Break down the walls / For those about to rock and what ya want / Baby you know you're judas and I'm your priest / Baby what I got is not from the least / Bring it through the stage in the rage of a beast / Step in the arena and break the wall down / Step in the arena and break the wall down". I know it reads a bit lame and standard, but it does what it's supposed to do, and that's pump you up.

I'm not a fan of Nu Metal, Hip Hop Metal, or anything that resembles that concept. Don't get me wrong, there are some bands that did this idea well, Faith No More, Rage Against The Machine (that pains me to acknowledge), and Korn. However, Saliva was not one of those groups that did it well. They did it like Limp Bizkit, and as far as I'm concerned that is shit. I will say that Turn The Tables, the Dudley Boyz theme does what it needs to do, but it does nothing for me.

My favourite tag team back in the day was the Matt and Jeff Hardy, and the fact that Monster Magnet did their theme was totally cool. The song Live For The Moment, doesn't even sound like it should be a theme. It's not typically catchy, or styled like many of the other songs on here. In fact I had to go looking to see if this was just an album track pinched from a previous album. After a quick look I couldn't find it anywhere, which means this was actually just a really good song that wasaa theme. I mean this is an excellent song, and I love cranking it.

Stereomud's End Of Everything sounds pretty much the same as the Sevendust track. It's a pretty standard sound for Metal in 2002. This was Raven's theme, and I had to go double check who the hell that was, I totally forgot. Now, as run of the mill as this song is, the chorus is a bit catchy and is the only thing that makes the song enjoyable.

Then it's on to the theme from the 2002 King Of The Ring. Neurotica's Ride Of Your Life is a good fast paced number, but it's like all the other songs on this album I call typical.

If I were to use this album as a guide for what was going on in music in 2002, there wasn't too much to get overly excited about. Everything sounds like Pantera, Marilyn Manson and Limp Bizkit where thrown into a blender and the goop was poured into a cookie cutter mold for the general masses.

I'll be honest I've grown fond of Cypress Hill over the years. I originally couldn't stand them, because they were rap, but now I see them for what they really are. They are street poets that love heavy instruments, and understand how to work a sample. I find Just Another Victim a great tune, even if it's like all of their other songs, and it works as a great theme for Tazz.

Why they felt a need to give Mr. McMahon his own theme I will never truly understand. However, going beyond that, we get Dope performing No Chance. This is the perfect theme for Vince. It's brash, arrogant, and totally reeking of bad attitude. The downside is that this is a ring entrance song, and it's meant to loop over and over, and therefore it sounds pretty damn repettitive.

If Matt and Jeff Hardy are my favourite tag team, then it only makes sense that Lita was my favourite wrestler at the time. Her theme music was cool, I love a sitar sound, and it suited her to some degree, however I wasn't a big fan of the vocalist. His voice just didn't seem to fit the sound right. It would be like Raine from Our Lady Piece singing on a Tea Party song. The song Lovefurypassionenergy is decent enough, but not my thing.

Now, if you bought this CD anywhere except for in Canada or at an FYE store the album ends after the Lita theme. If you are cool enough to be a Canadian you were blessed by an awesome song from a home country band. Finger Eleven's Slow Chemical was used as Kane's theme. This is my favourite song on this album. It's everthing that Kane is, big, scary, combustable, and full of a never ending rage. "The wonder of the world is gone I know for sure / All the wonder that I want I found in her / As the hole becomes apart I strike to burn / And no flame returns / Every intuition fails to find it's way / One more table turned around I'm back again / Finding I'm a lost and found when she's not around / When she's not around I feel it coming down / Give me what I could never ask for / Connect me and you could be my chemical NOW / Give me the drug you know I'm after / Connect me and you could be my chemical". It's also my understanding that when the band was asked to contribute a song, the vocalist was the only member of the band that didn't watch wrestling and had now clue who he was writing for, or something along those lines. Either way this was a much better way to end the album, and is still one of my favourite Finger Eleven songs.

If you find yourself looking for a CD that represents what 2002 was like musically, if you liked heavy music, this is worth picking up. If you enjoy wrestling and are a fan of the themes, this is worth picking up. If you are into finding some rare choice tracks, from a few really cool bands, this is still a good album to pick up. If you want an album full of awesome music, this might not be the album for you. There are only six songs on this album I would suggest, Legs, Whatever, Live For The Moment, Ride Of Your Life, Just Another Victim, and Slow Chemical, of those only Slow Chemical and Live For The Moment have ever gotten regular play on my Mp3 player. My son on the other hand has almost worn out this CD of mine, and is a big fan of it.

7/10 - content

7/10 - production

6/10 - personal bias

Billy Talent - III

Billy Talent is the best group to come out of Canada since Rush. At least after listening to their third album I bleieve that. I enjoyed the first two albums, but this is the album where the band really starts to shine. Gone are the days of screaming Punk/Metal angriness. Now comes the cool, collected, well thought out mastery of a band that has been studying and learning. Ian D'Sa (guitar and vocals), Jon Gallant (bass and vocals), Ben Kowalewicz (voice) and Aaron Solowonium (drums) have crafted a collection of eleven songs that are almost all brilliant.

Devil On My Shoulder opens up the album. This has a great riff, and an even better sound. I love how thick and heavy the mix is on this song. This is the rock I love, thick, raw, heavy, and fist pumping. I mean this song angries up the blood a little, but think about what the title is, and then go from there. Also the the solo is perfect. It's not some blistering showboat solo, it flows right with the song, and then there's the bass break down, and the thundering return of the instruments.

By the time Rusted From The Rain reaches the one minute marker I'm banging my head with slow weight. This song gives me hope for the future. Not only is it musically beautiful, but it's lyrically well done. "I stumble through the wreckage, rusted from the rain / There's nothing left to salvage, no one left to blame / Among the broken mirrors, I don't look the same / I'm rusted from the rain, I'm rusted from the rain / Dissect me until my blood runs down into the drain / My bitter heart is pumping oil into my veins / I'm nothing but a tin man, don't feel any pain / I don't feel any pain, I don't feel any pain" I just find myself cranking this song louder and louder everytime I hear it, and howling to the moon that "I'm rusted from the rain".

When it comes to lyrics Billy Talent really delivers. They write stories, poetry, and real thoughts. It's not some cheap Pop crap, that's all "Hey Baby." Instead it's "No one ever thought that she was capable / And the damage done is irreversible / Now she clings to life inside a hospital / Like she's trapped inside a frozen waterfall / Always said her life was never meant to be / Stuck here living someone else's dream / Well beyond your window there is so much more / Even every prison has an open door / Veronica, Saint Veronica / You can't leave this world behind / So be strong enough, to hold on to us / It's just not your time to die". That's not including the music, which in the case of Saint Veronika is a bit basic for this band, but still heavy as fuck.

The best way I can think of to describe Billy Talent III is Danzig meets Metallica, meets The Sex Pistols, meets Canadian musical genius.

Tears Into Wine is the first song on this album that falters in any way, and that just because it sounds like it may have been a left over from the previous album, in musical style. It sounds a bit stock for them, but the lead guitar work is really cool, and I love the tones they opted to use for it.

White Sparrows is a bit laid back and mellow. This track is a little Emo for my liking, but it has a great pick up into the chorus. It's the best part of the songs, when you hit the mid section. Pretty much around the 2 minute marker this song just let's it all out in a rage fitting of Darth Vader learning Padame died.

Sometimes the easiest songs are always the best ones. Pocketful Of Dream, is a very simple song, but I love it. The arrangements are a bit complex, but what's being played is very basic, but great Rock N' Roll basic. It's all about rocking out on this song.

One of my favourite things about Billy Talent III is that it's really a diverse album. Each song clearly sounds like Billy Talent, but they keep changing it up for every song. For example The Dead Can't Testify has major heavy bottom end pumping through, and the lyrical content is scary as shit "So they marched me down to the center of town, / With their pitchforks high in the air. / I was chained and bound with a blindfold around / So the judge wouldn't catch my stare. / And they hung my soul from the gallows pole / But the witch they never found. / So to those who don't fit society's mold, / Learn to swim or you will drown.". However, this song is just musically astounding. There is such an intense beauty to the guitar work that I can't help but love this song.

Okay, so every album has to have that one song that you don't know what to make of it, and on this one it's Diamond On A Landmine. It's a really good song, but I have no clue how to accurately depict this one. It's probably the most Popish song on the album, and has a weird upbeat sound to it considering what the lyrics are."Forever, forever / I'll walk a thousand miles / Just to tell her, to tell her / Our love is still alive / And I'll never, I'll never / I'll never let it die / Well you'd better watch your step / She's a diamond on a landmine".

The bassist in this group knows how to play rhythm, and the producer Brendan O'Brien understands how to use it. The groove on Turn You Back is so damn thick, that it's a big, fat, chubby hard-on for the bassist in me. This song is like Billy Talent's Dirty Deeds, if that song had mostly bass playing the whole way through.

It's easier to list which songs don't get me off, than it is to list the ones that do. Sudden Moments is the second of two. It's an okay song, but it's stock for Billy Talent. It's a filler, before the last track on the album. However, it's still a decent tune.

The album ends with Definition Of Destiny. "So get off my road, no, I won’t be told / Cause I got my own / Definition of destiny / Yeah, take back control and don’t let it go / The future’s unknown / Definition of destiny / Definition of destiny". Simple, yet when mixed with the music, this song becomes a beast. This is how an album is supposed to finish. It's not just some cheap little track. It's a full blown exercise in musical prowess. These guys are whipping it out and beating everything with the instrumental erections.

This is honestly the first CD I have bought that came out in the last decade, by a group that came out in the new millenium, that is hands down amazing. If it weren't for the two kind of weak songs on this album it would be a perfect ten to me. It's everything that great music is supposed to be.

9/10 - content

10/10 - production

10/10 - personal bias

Nirvana - Nevermind

Of all the Grunge bands that enjoyed major success I think Nirvana may be the one I care for the least. Well, I may dislike Soundgarden more, but the jury's still out on that one. I also think Nevermind is the most over rated of all Nirvana albums. For the sake of argument, when it comes to my preferences for Nirvana it goes; In Utero, Nevermind, Bleach (To be fair I haven't listened to this album in over a decade). I own two of those three as well as Unplugged, which was a gift I asked for because it was cool at the time, but now I think it's complete shit.

I remember when Nirvana's Nevermind erupted into the full blown monster that it has become. I remember liking it, but thinking it was over rated, and couldn't understand why they were as big as they were. To this day, I still have this problem. I view Nirvana as the 1990's answer to the Sex Pistols, except I think I like the Pistols more. They never tried to pretend to be serious musicians. Certain members of Nirvana will tell you that the album was meant to be childishly simple, but I think the issue was that children (young musicians) were making the album.

The album opens with Smells Like Teen Spirit. We all know the song, and we all know the the anarchy clad cheerleaders from the video. Not because they were hot (they weren't), but because they were so fucking boring to watch. Seriously, go watch the video, it's really fucking boring. It's more boring than this song is. If it wasn't for the chorus, this song would put you to sleep without even trying. It's Lullaby Punk. Also I've heard the solo in this song given way to much credit because of how much it mimics the vocal line. That's all cool, until you realize how lazy and unimaginative it actually is.

In Bloom is where this album actually starts for me. It has a great hook in the rhythm section for the entire song, even with the changes, and I even like the lyrical content. For example the second verse, "We can have some more / Nature is a whore / Bruises on the fruit / Tender age in bloom". However, for a guy that said he didn't want to be commercial, he did a fantastic job or writing repetitive choruses that we're totally commercial sounding. "He’s the one / Who likes all our pretty songs / And he likes to sing along / And he likes to shoot his gun / But he knows not what it means / Knows not what it means / when I say / He’s the one / Who likes all our pretty songs / And he likes to sing along / And he likes to shoot his gun / But he knows not what it means / Knows not what it means / when I say yeeeaaahhh". That lazy lyrical writing made up eighty percent of the song.

I still enjoy Come As You Are to this day. It the only one of the four singles I don't want to instictively turn off when it comes on. Also this one is fun to sing along with. "Come as you are, / as you were, / as I want you to be. / As a friend, / as a friend, / as an old enemy. / Take your time, / hurry up, / choice is yours don't be late. / Take a rest, / as a friend, / as an old memoria, / memoria, memoria, memoria. / Come dowsed in mud, / soaked in bleach, / as I want you to be. / As a trend, / As a friend, / As an old memoria / Memoria, memoria, memoria / And I swear / that I don't have a gun. / No I don't have a gun. / No I don't have a gun." Breed is the first song on the album that makes me actually wanna get up and Rock. It's the first real sign of a pulse. Krist Novoselic (credited as Chris Novoselic) is laying down a simple bass line, but it sounds wicked cool on this track especially with that fuzz on it.

Lithium is the only song on this album I dislike as much as Smells Like Teen Spirit, but in this song's case it is purely from overplay. This song has a great counter dynamic within itself. The mellow downtroddenness of the verses, mixed with the raw angst ridden anger of the chorus is fantastic. If someone asked me to pick one song that described what Grunge was all about I would point them to Lithium.

Of all the songs on Nevermind Polly might be the one that is the most confusing. The song is the only pure accoustic guitar number on the entire album. The lyrical content can be taken many different ways, and I'm sure it has been explained in just as many. Either way it's a very enjoyable tune, if not a little cryptic.

Territorial Pissings is the song we all get to thank for Screamo. This is the first Screamo song I can think of, and now that I hear it again for the first time in five years, I would feel the need to shoot Cobain if he hadn't already done so himself. I'm sorry to anyone that finds that in bad taste, but I really can't stand Screamo. The first song on this album to show any real musicianship is Drain You, and it's more just due to it having a structure with various dynamics to it. It's just as simple as the rest for the most part, though.

Lounge Act is a decent song, but at this point in the record it's all starting to sound very simular to the previous eight songs, and this has the singing coming across as more of a filler at this point.

The better songs on this album are the ones where Krist Novoselic and David Grohl (drummer), are totally locked into a solid rhythm pattern. For example Stay Away has something going on with the guitar, but it's pretty much background noise, and the vocals work more as an effective instrument, mixed with the rhythm, than the guitar does. I also love the Surfer Rock feel to this one, which is only wrecked by Kurt's screaming.

On A Plain would be a cool song if it was done by a different band, on a different album. Lyrically I think it's pretty cool, it's the one song I find totally poetic. "I'll start this off without any words / I got so high I scratched 'till I bled / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / The finest day that I've ever had / Was when I learned to cry on commmand / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / I'm on a plain, mmmm / I can't complain, mmmm / I'm on a plain, mmmm / My mother died every night / It's safe to say, quote me on that / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / The black sheep got blackmailed again / Forgot to put on the zip code / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / I'm on a plain, mmmm / I can't complain, mmmm / I'm on a plain, mmmm / Somewhere I have heard this before / In a dream my memory has stored / As a defence I'm neutered and spayed / What the hell am I trying to say? / It is now time to make it unclear / To write off lines that don't make sense / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / And one more special message to go / And then I'm done, and I can go home / I love myself better than you / I know it's wrong so what should I do? / I'm on a plain / I can't complain". The last two lines repeat until the end of the song.

The album officially ends with Something In The Way. This is a very heavy, thick and ominus song. If it weren't for the annoying Grunge drone, I might enjoy it even more. However, the song doesn't simply just end there. Oh no, I have one of the copies with the hidden track, Endless, Nameless.

Basically, once you get passed the almost four minute long dronefest, you get nine minutes of dead air until Endless, Nameless starts. If it were not for the screaming and lack of real lyrics, this could have been a decent song, or even be taken as a really awesome abstract instrumental piece. Instead it comes across as Cobain being too fucking stoned to work on the song properly.

I know it seems by this review I really don't care for this album, and that is very true. In the grand spectrum of music, specifically anything Rock related, this album is only worth anything because it was the first major mainstream Grunge album. As the test of time keeps pushing on I find that this album actually means less and less. In fact I will throw on a Foo Fighters album before this one any day of the week. However, that doesn't mean that this isn't a god album. Okay, "good" may be over stretching it. It's a decent album, that reflects a confusing time in music.

7/10 - content

6/10 - production

6/10 - personal bias

Def Leppard - Vault

When it comes to Def Leppard I will say I'm a "best of" fan, but not a "greatest hits" fan. I've wrote these words before, along with almost every other word in this review. The Vault greatest hits album is just like the first disc of the Rock Of Ages album, but with a couple omissions and a few alterations.

Sadly, this disc is a greatest hits, which means I'm not going to be very happy in my writing of this one. And just to once again explain the difference, "Best of" doesn't mean the singles or commercial stuff, but "greatest hits does". Most of Def Leppard's hits come from sissy ballads that they resorted to releasing in order to try and keep up with the changing music scene. However, this album contains only the greatest hits.

The album opens with Pour Some Sugar on Me (Historia Video Edit). Off the top of my head I don't know what the difference in this edit is. Upon further investigation I come to learn that this version is longer, by about half a minute. I really need to go listen to the original album version again and check out what else is different. Aside from that, this is a good solid song, that was meant for rocking the arenas. I mean this may actually be the best example of 80's Arena Rock that has ever existed. I believe it was Mutt Lange's production that made this song what it was.

I'm not a fan of Photograph. This was probably the song that truly ended their association with NWOBHM (New Wave Of British heavy Metal). At this point they were clearly a Rock band, but that's okay. They never really belonged with that other crowd, and were better off being removed from that title. It allowed them to sell more albums, which normally doesn't mean much to me, but a multi platinum album speaks volumes.

Love Bites is the first time I will not complain about a Def Leppard sissy ballad. "When you make love, do you look in the mirror? / Who do you think of? / Does he look like me? / Do you tell lies? / And say that it's forever? / Do you think twice, or just touch and see? / Ooh babe / Oh yeah / When you're alone, do you let go? / Are you wild and willin', or is it just for show? / Ooh C'mon / I don't wanna touch you too much baby / 'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy / I know you think that love is the way you make it / So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it / No!". I love how it's pretty much him calling her out, but still admitting the hold she has on him. My only complaint is that this is what we use to call an "Oooo, baby song".

I have a love/hate relationship with Let's Get Rocked. I love the song and hate having to listen to people bash it. This song defined everything I was about when it dropped in 1992. It was a song about a guy that just wants to get rocked one way or the other, or both at the same time if he can. That's what being a teenage boy is all about. However, hearing comments like "What a waste, to put a solo like that in this piece of shit" was a pretty normal statement from my friend Matt.

Two Steps Behind (Acoustic Version) is meant to be skipped. This song has sucked since day one, and did more to kill my respect for Def Leppard than any other song they have ever released. It's just complete commercial shit meant strictly for women, and nothing more. If you like this song, you either have a vagina, or wish to be one. I have to struggle to sit through this song every time I hear it and can't hit a skip button.

Animal is a lot like Photograph to me, however the chorus on this song is a major saving grace. I absolutely love the way the pre chorus and chorus sound, as well as the slightly cheesy lyrics, especially at the end of the song, during that big climax. "I gotta feel it in my blood / Whoa-oh / I need your touch don't need your love / Whoa-oh / And I want, and I need, and I lust / Animal / And I want, and I need, and I lust / Animal / And I want (And I want) / And I need (And I need) / And I lust (And I lust) / Animal (Animal) / And I want (Take me) / And I need (Tame me) / And I lust (Make me) / Animal (Your Animal) / And I want (Show me) / And I need (Stroke me) / And I lust (Let me be your...) / Animal (Animal) / And I want (I want) / And I need (Ooh-ooh-ooh) / And I lust (Yeah Animal)". I just love the arena rock sound on it.

Every song to this point appears in the exact same order as it does on Rock Of Ages. Although, the other CD has an extra song here, which I thought was for skipping anyway. Then the exact same order continues, until further notice.

Take everything I said about Animal, which is basically the verses are blah, but the pre chorus and choruses of Foolin' are sweet. It's not as good as Animal, and that's because of the production which makes the sound kind of hollow. Imagine a bubble. Now picture the music as being that bubble with the outside being all cool and pretty, but you know there is nothing in the middle but air. That's how how I think of the audio on this one.

Rocket (Visualize Video Edit) is the version that comes from the music video. This is the version that we all know, because it's the one that was on the radio, and the music video. What anyone that has never owned the Hysteria album may not know that this is actually a much shorter version of this song. The original is over two and half minutes longer. It's been so long since I've heard that version that I couldn't tell you how much of a difference it makes. However, since this song is so cool I can only imagine that it was two and half minutes of excellence. It really sucks how the radio really got stupid about song length, or the fact that so many people lack the patience to listen to a song for that long. It forces good songs like this to get dumbed down.

I'm not going to complain or bitch about When Love & Hate Collide. It got me many slow dances, with many teenage breasts pushed up tightly against my chest. It was worth suffering through, and still better than other really shitty ballads on this double album set.

Armageddon It is okay, if you are into this kind of typical Def Leppard song. I find it a bit boring, but because it's so typical of them.

Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad is one fo those ballads I really want to go on a tirade about. I want to go on about how all the members of the band decided to get sex changes, and become a cliche girl band. However, instead I'm going to say that it was after this song that they went that route instead. This was from the album before the record Two Steps Behind came from. At that point, they had clearly given up being men, because now that I think of it Retro Active was the only other album I had access to besides Hysteria. My step mom owned a copy, and I remember borrowing it, and then never listening to it again. I really hate these silly power ballads of their's.

I don't know if I really like Rock of Ages. I find it boring, and a bit stale. However, I find it ironic that the first line in after the count in is "It's better to burn out, than fade away." I have been saying for years that they need to stop touring. Joe Elliot can't sing the songs like he use to, and I don't like the way they've had to alter them to suit.

To be honest, by the time I hit Hysteria on this disc I'm pretty burned out on these songs that are Slow Rock. It's great if you are trying to get in a girls pants, especially with this song, but I really want to hear something with more of a pulse. Don't get me wrong it's a good song, but it's just so damn slow. If the tempo had gone up from 107 to a more lively 130, and had a bit more back bone it would be better.

Miss You in a Heartbeat is one of the ballads that I'm a little okay with, but after all the other slower songs I'm not overly happy to be listening to it. I normally don't listen to this one on my own either.

Okay so you would think that after all the bitching and complaining I've done about slow songs and ballads I'd be ready to shoot myself by the time Bringin' on the Heartbreak starts. However, you would be wrong. This is one of my favourite , if not my favourite, Def leppard songs. Why do you ask? What makes this song so special and different? It's because I will crank the fuck out of this song to hear Joe Elliots multi layered vocals in the chorus any day of the week. Also this song is heavy as fuck. I know it sounds like I just smokeds a huge bowl of crack, but I'm serious. The production is a bit hallow, but for a song that came out in 1981 it was Led Zeppelin-esque with how heavy it sounds on the outside of that bubble. I mean this song is heavier than Diamond Head's Sweet And Innocent or Iron Maiden's Remember Tomorrow, and that says something. (Which is not, that I'm on crack.)

The Rock Of Ages CD has one more track at the very end of the first disc. Other than that, the track list is the exact same. However, this one does not use alternate cuts, so it does make the discs a little different. Not enough to need to own both, but I bought this one first, and then the second one came out years later.

9/10 - content

8/10 - production

7/10 - personal bias

Def Leppard - Rock Of Ages

When it comes to Def Leppard I will say I'm a "best of" fan, but not a "greatest hits" fan. "Best of" doesn't mean the singles or commercial stuff, but "greatest hits does". Most of Def Leppard's hits come from sissy ballads that they resorted to releasing in order to try and keep up with the changing music scene. However, this album contains more than just that. It has stuff I had never heard before, and fell in love with.

I may be a bigger fan than just the compilation albums, but I've never been willing to spend the money on any of their studio albums, without listening to them. Then on top of that I've only ever had one friend that owned anything other than Hysteria, and now that I'm doing these reviews Pat lives in another city. So, for now you'll have to just enjoy Rock Of Ages the Definitive Collection. In a later review you'll also get Vault, which is the only other Def Leppard album I own.

The album opens with Pour Some Sugar on Me (Historia Video Edit). Off the top of my head I don't know what the diffence in this edit is. Upon further investigation I come to learn that this version is longer, by about half a minute. I really need to go listen to the original album version again and check out what else is different. Aside from that, this is a good solid song, that was meant for rocking the arenas. I mean this may actually be the best example of 80's Arena Rock that has ever existed. I believe it was Mutt Lange's production that made this song what it was.

I'm not a fan of Photograph. This was probably the song that truly ended their association with NWOBHM (New Wave Of British heavy Metal). At this point they were clearly a Rock band, but that's okay. They never really belonged with that other crowd, and were better off being removed from that title. It allowed them to sell more albums, which normally doesn't mean much to me, but a multi platinum album speaks volumes.

Love Bites is the first time I will not complain about a Def Leppard sissy ballad. "When you make love, do you look in the mirror? / Who do you think of? / Does he look like me? / Do you tell lies? / And say that it's forever? / Do you think twice, or just touch and see? / Ooh babe / Oh yeah / When you're alone, do you let go? / Are you wild and willin', or is it just for show? / Ooh C'mon / I don't wanna touch you too much baby / 'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy / I know you think that love is the way you make it / So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it / No!". I love how it's pretty much him calling her out, but still admiting the hold she has on him. My only complaint is that this is what we use to call an "Oooo, baby song".

I have a love/hate relationship with Let's Get Rocked. I love the song and hate having to listen to people bash it. This song defined everything I was about when it dropped in 1992. It was a song about a guy that just wants to get rocked one way or the other, or both at the same time if he can. That's what being a teenage boy is all about. However, hearing comments like "What a waste, to put a solo like that in this piece of shit" was a pretty normal statement from my friend Matt.

Two Steps Behind (Acoustic Version) is meant to be skipped. This song has sucked since day one, and did more to kill my respect for Def Leppard than any other song they have ever released. It's just complete commercial shit meant strictly for women, and nothing more. If you like this song, you either have a vagina, or wish to be one. I have to struggle to sit through this song every time I hear it and can't hit a skip button.

Animal is a lot like Photograph to me, however the chorus on this song is a major saving grace. I absolutely love the way the pre chorus and chorus sound, as well as the slightly cheesy lyrics, especially at the end of the song, during that big climax. "I gotta feel it in my blood / Whoa-oh / I need your touch don't need your love / Whoa-oh / And I want, and I need, and I lust / Animal / And I want, and I need, and I lust / Animal / And I want (And I want) / And I need (And I need) / And I lust (And I lust) / Animal (Animal) / And I want (Take me) / And I need (Tame me) / And I lust (Make me) / Animal (Your Animal) / And I want (Show me) / And I need (Stroke me) / And I lust (Let me be your...) / Animal (Animal) / And I want (I want) / And I need (Ooh-ooh-ooh) / And I lust (Yeah Animal)". I just love the arena rock sound on it.

I'm all for skipping Heaven Is. It's pretty stock sounding, and that means that it sounds like every other 80's song. Sadly this song was from the 90's so it was even dated to boot.

Take everything I said about Animal, which is basically the verses are blah, but the pre chorus and choruses of Foolin' are sweet. It's not as good as Animal, and that's because of the production which makes the sound kind of hollow. Imagine a bubble. Now picture the music as being that bubble with the outside being all cool and pretty, but you know there is nothing in the middle but air. That's how I think of the audio on this one.

Rocket (Visualize Video Edit) is the version that comes from the music video. This is the version that we all know, because it's the one that was on the radio, and the music video. What anyone that has never owned the Hysteria album may not know is that this is actually a much shorter version of this song. The original is over two and half minutes longer. It's been so long since I've heard that version that I couldn't tell you how much of a difference it makes. However, since this song is so cool I can only imagine that it was two and half minutes of excellence. It really sucks how the radio really got stupid about song length, or the fact that so many people lack the patience to listen to a song for that long. It forces good songs like this to get dumbed down.

I'm not going to complain or bitch about When Love & Hate Collide. It got me many slow dances, with many teenage breasts pushed up tightly against my chest. It was worth suffering through, and still better than other really shitty ballads on this double album set.

Armageddon It is okay, if you are into this kind of typical Def Leppard song. I find it a bit boring, but because it's so typical of them.

Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad is one of those ballads I really want to go on a tirade about. I want to go on about how all the members of the band decided to get sex changes, and become a cliche girl band. However, instead I'm going to say that it was after this song that they went that route instead. This was from the album before the record Two Steps Behind came from. At that point, they had clearly given up being men, because now that I think of it Retro Active was the only other album I had access to besides Hysteria. My step mom owned a copy, and I remember borrowing it, and then never listening to it again. I really hate these silly power ballads of their's.

I don't know if I really like Rock of Ages. I find it boring, and a bit stale. However, I find it ironic that the first line after the count in is "It's better to burn out, than fade away." I have been saying for years that they need to stop touring. Joe Elliot can't sing the songs like he use to, and I don't like the way they've had to alter them to suit.

To be honest, by the time I hit Hysteria on this disc I'm pretty burned out on these song that are Slow Rock. It's great if you are trying to get in a girls pants, especially with this song, but I really want to hear something with more of a pulse. Don't get me it's a good song, but it's just so damn slow. If the tempo had gone up from 107 to a more lively 130, and had a bit more back bone it would be better. Miss You in a Heartbeat is one of the ballads that I'm a little okay with, but after all the other slower songs I'm not overly happy to be listening to it. I normally don't listen to this one on my own either.

Okay so you would think that after all the bitching and complaining I've done about slow songs and ballads I'd be ready to shoot myself by the time Bringin' on the Heartbreak starts. However you would be wrong. This is one of my favourite Def Leppard, if not my favourite, Def leppard song. Why do you ask? What makes this song so special and different? Because I will crank the fuck out of this song to hear Joe Elliot's multi layered vocals in the chorus any day of the week. Also this song is heavy as fuck. I know it sounds like I just smoked a huge bowl of crack, but I'm serious. The production is a bit hallow, but for a song that came out in 1981 it was Led Zeppelin-esque with how heavy it sounds on the outside of that bubble. I mean this song is heavier that Diamond Head's Sweet And Innocent or Iron Maiden's Remember Tomorrow, and that says something. (Which is not, that I'm on crack.)

Bringin' on The Heartbreak fades in the instrumental Switch 625. This is why I rate Def Leppard as being a really talented and skilled band. This is also why I ask "What the fuck were they thinking by 1992?" I mean this is three minutes of some really fun and awesome playing. Also this is the only time, that the one song runs into the other, except for on the original album.

The second disc in the Rock Of Ages set are songs that were not singles, but were fan favourites or band favourites. I actually find myself listening to this disc more than the other, just for the break from the standards.

Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop) kicks off the disc. This really reminds me of a lot of the 80's bands. It sounds like Ratt, or Accept, or Kiss, or Brian Johnson AC/DC, or a combination of all of them. It's a good solid lead song, but it doesn't do too much for me personally.

The next track, Let It Go, can be described the exact same way as the last song, with the exception that it seems to run on forever.

Which brings me to High 'n' Dry (Saturday Night). I like this one. It has a good riff, a solid rhythm, and sounds a lot like Kiss. But, I mean good Kiss, not that cheap gimmicky Pop shit. My only complaint is the constant cash register noise that keeps going off in the background. I find it annoying.

Too Late for Love, is not quite a Power Ballad, but it's pretty close. It has just enough of a smokey Hard Rock Blues feel to keep me from bitching about the standard 80's lyrics. "Somewhere in the distance I hear the bells ring / Darkness settles on the town as the children start to sing / And the lady across the street, she shuts out the night / A cast of thousands waiting as she turns out the light / But it's too late, too late, too late / Too late for love / Too late, too late, too late". I will say that I do enjoy singing the chorus, it's catchy.

Def Leppards cover of Badfinger's No Matter What, it a really nice break from the last bunch of songs. It's nice, simple, and has a really nice feel good tone to it. You can't help but get into a good mood.

I respect the "Ooo, baby" campiness of Promises for one reason. "I won't make promises that I can't keep / I won't make promises that I don't mean / I'll even mean the things I tell you in my sleep, yeah / I won't make promises babe, that I can't keep". Everyone should live by that. Also I do really dig the music on this one, even if it's happy, bubbley, and full of mush.

By the time I'm getting to Mirror, Mirror (Look Into My Eyes), I'm starting to figure out what it is that I both like and dislike about many of these songs, I've already described as sounding like Ratt, or Accept, or Kiss, or Brian Johnson AC/DC, or a combination of all of them. They all sound very much like everyone else in that time. I would blame it all on Mutt Lange, but the only bands that have anything in common with Mutt and Def Leppard are AC/DC and Foreigner. I mean as far as overall sound. The 80's just got too generic sounding I think is the problem, but that also means that I can throw this disc on and listen to some great sounding music from a time, where you are never sure who you are listening to.

I never knew Women was a single from Hysteria, and I can sort of hear why. Of all the singles this may be the most basic musically and lyrically.

Another Hit and Run has a great vibe and feel to it. Which every other song so far has as well, despite how some of the reviews may read. However, I like the music on this one a little better than most. The music has a little more depth and dimension, than just matching the vocal pattern.

Slang is one of those songs that many people I'm sure wish they could forget. I'm not one of them. I really like this song. At least within the confines of this disc. It's a bit funky, a bit spunky, and there's just a little cocky attitude, that's totally groovy. I won't say that I like the Steven Tyler-esque Rapping, but I will say that this song makes me want to get my groove on, on the dance floor. Just get up, and grind on my Editor just a little bit.

Stand Up (Kick Love Into Motion), is a skipper, unless you like cliche Power Ballads. Although the chorus is catchy I really have no use for this song.

Songs like Rock Brigade are just fucking campy. I love the music, but the lyrics just make me shake my head. Had this been on any album other than the first one, On Through The Night, I would have demanded an apology. However, this is a perfectly acceptable song for a starting band of young pups.

I believe the newest song on this collection is Now. It's from 2002's X. I'm not a fan of the song, but I do have a respect for it.

Paper Sun is balls to the wall awesome. I know people are wondering what the fuck I'm talking about, but the way the production works just get's me so hard. This song is full, heavy, and kickin'. I find it impressive that this is from the 1999 album Euphoria, not because the album sucked, but because it sounds like it should be from Hysteria. I almost want to check out the album that much more, because of this song.

Work It Out is really cool if you like the sound of Tom Cochrane with deep and thick balls. This song makes me think of Life Is A Highway, but much, much better. Because, this song has a great low end. The guitars are minimalized in the mix, but they really work the song all over, and there are some great really heavy hit chords, that are allowed to just ring. But the approach and overall vibe is very much like the other song.

I just really respect the crap out of Die Hard The Hunter. I think the music is great, and the arrangements are top notch. It's one of those songs that made it on here because of the band's love for it, and it's totally understandable. It's a great album cut.

Wasted sounds like really early Iron Maiden, which makes total sense since it's from the exact same time period. If I didn't know that this was Def Leppard, I may have mistaken it for Di'Anno era Maiden.

The album ends with Billy's Got a Gun. I don't mind this one, but I don't like it like others do. However, that's not to say that this one shouldn't be cranked, especially during the catchy chorus. Damn Mutt and his amazingly catchy chorus production.

I'm not a fan of listening to both albums back to back. After a while it gets very repetitive and boring, but mixed up with other discs, this album takes on a whole new level of enjoyment. If you are looking to buy your first Def Leppard album, this is a great place to start. If all you are looking for is the commercial stuff, I would suggest the Vault greatest hits package instead.

9/10 - content

8/10 - production

8/10 - personal bias