Alice Cooper - Hey Stoopid

The very first Alice Cooper compact disc I bought was Hey Stoopid. If I remember correctly it was the fourth or fifth one I owned. It essentially kicked off the challenge of getting every Alice Cooper album on CD, which in 1992 was easier said than done. I had bought the cassette when it first came out. I had made a ride to the area mall on my lunch break, to pick up this album when I first found out it came out. I was so excited I even let my little sister tag along, and didn't care that I ended up getting caught in the rain. I listened to the album on my walkman over and over for months.

From day one there were very few songs I didn't care for. I loved every track on this album. It reached out to the twelve year old kid so much that the following year when I ran across a copy on CD I snapped it up right away. I picked it up at a place that doesn't even exist anymore, called Windsor's Rocker Connection. It's the same copy I still listen to to this day, and to be fair should have been replaced years ago.

Needless to say this album and I have history. So I'm a little bias, but when I think of this album, and when I listen to this album, I still do it as a kid. I do it as an older kid though, because I have always listened to this album. It was my Alice Cooper album. It was the first new album I ever went out of my way to buy, and I have never rergetted it.

To me the worst songs on this album were all the singles, and it's the album tracks that do it for me. With the exception of the title track. Hey Stoopid is seriously still a song I totally dig. I love every second of this marvel of production. Also, how can you argue with a song that has Slash soloing and Ozzy lending some minor background vocals? I remember Alice claiming this song was sort of his way of telling people to be stupid, and not rush into anything. I totally get that, but instead I found it was more of a wake-up call. It was about being slow and methodical.

I'm sure there are some people that really like Love's A Loaded Gun. I am not one of them. Not my kind of song, and I could do without it being the second track on the album.

One thing that has alway been great about Alice is that he released great albums, where even the filler tracks were really solid. Snakebite is a mediocre song by Alice Cooper standards. It's a basic track that helps fill up the album, but this would have been a hit single for one of the Glam Metal Bands.

Burning Our Bed is one of those songs that cuts a very fine line for me. It's like a Power Ballad, but not totally, but I want to scream and yell a huge "Why the fuck do you keep doing these fucking ballads!?" But, really it's not that bad of a song. It's not my cup of tea, but you know you could sing this one with a group around a bon fire with a few accoustics. Turn it into a whole Hey Jude kinda thing, if you really wanted to. I wouldn't, but you could if for some reason the need took you.

Dangerous Tonight is a classic Cooper album filler track. Not in the sense that it's filler, far from. In the fact this is a great track that I'm sure many other fans enjoy listening to. It's only an album filler because it's not single material. It's not a very radio friendly song, in the sense that it doesn't have the standard kind of hook. This song is more atmosphere.

Were it not for the fact that I love the album's closing track more than any other song from this album, my favourite song on this album would be the biggest sappy song on the album. Might As Well Be On Mars is a song of such lonely heartbreak. Let's start with the lyrics. "The city streets are wet with rain tonight / Taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane / A lonely guitar man playin' down the hall / Midnight blues comin' through the walls / I tried to call you on the telephone / I left it off the hook / Just to hear it ring / You told me you were better off alone / I never knew that tears could stain / I'm on the roof and I'm starin' at the stars / Lookin' down at all the cars / I can see you / In the window of your favorite corner bar / But to reach you is just too far / And I might as well be on Mars / The city seems so old and grey and beat / It closes in and makes me wanna suffocate / And you just live across the street / But that's a billion miles away / You've turned my world into a dark and lonely place / Like a planet lost in space, my light is fadin' / I'd cross the universe to be right where you are / But I'm right in your backyard / And I might as well be on Mars / I might as well be on Mars / You can't see me / I might as well be the Man on the Moon / You can't hear me / Oh, can you feel me so close / And yet so far / Baby, I might as well be on Mars / Baby, I can't fly / If I could I'd come down to ya / Maybe I should try / I'm on the roof and I'm starin' at the stars / Lookin' down at all lthe cars / I can see you / In the window of your favorite corner bar / But to reach is just too far / And I might as well be on Mars / I might as well be on Mars / You can't see me / I might as well be the Man on the Moon / You can't hear me / Oh, can you feel me so close / And yet so far / Baby, I might as well be on Mars". Now, let me break it down for you like this. This is a Blues song as performed in 1991, if you are Alice Cooper and you want to blow the world away. Peter Collins, which is the name of the fine gentleman that produced this album, built one of the most powerful songs I know. I mean this song is all production, and it's just spectacular. Well, that's not really fair. The music in this song is just mind blowing. If you notice the styles and patterns it doesn't take much to figure out that long time friend and co-writer Dick Wagner had a part in this song. Oh, yeah Desmond Child also wrote on this one, so that also means it's going to be pretty fucking cool. Did I mention it's also the longest song on the album. It's rare that Alice Cooper breaks the five minute barrier, but not very often he goes into seven plus minutes. Did I mention this is an amazing song? Seriously, go listen and love.

Feed My Frankenstein, I don't even know where to begin with this one. It's fun live, and really it's not a bad song, but at the same time it's not a great song. But I can't say that with a straight face since Joe Satriani and Steve Vai both played on this track. It was a historical moment. That being said, um, I blame Wayne's World.

Now we finish off this album with a mostly up hill ride to amazing, and it all begins with Hurricane Years. This is one of those songs that should have been a single. It's the perfect timeless kind of track for teenagers. "I got a ticket to to nowhere / I got no respect for the law / I got no use 'cause it's all abuse / It's the cutting edge of the saw / Ain't got no tiime for the future / Ain't got no time for the past / I'm running up a down escalator / I'm going nowhere fast / I'm hanging on like a spider / Blowing in the wind / This storm's gonna tear a hole / Right thru this web I'm in / Thunder lightning / The wind outside is so damn frightening / But it's alright, all right / Stand clear / You're living in the hurricane years / In the hurricane years / I've been thru major destruction / I've seen thru terrorists' eyes / Sometimes I feel no emotion / Sometimes I break down and cry / I need to walk on a wire / I need a layer of skin / I need a preacher breathing fire / To burn away my sins / And I can't help the victims / On the side of the road / And I can't stop the cyclone / That's about to explode / Thunder lightning / The wind outside is so damn frightening / But it's alright, all right / Stand clear / You're living in the hurricane years / In the hurricane years / Turn my eyes to heaven / Watching all the clouds roll by / I see the blood moon rising / I know I'm way too young to die / Thunder lightning / The wind outside is so damn frightening / But it's alright, all right / Stand clear / You're living in the hurricane years / In the hurricane years". Hell, I think it still applies to my life in this day and age. It's like the theme song for those that were teenagers when this album first came out.

Little By Little is one of those songs that gets me based on one simple detail, I love talkbox on a guitar and this song's got it. Not to mention it's really a great middle of the album kind of track. There are people I can see being pretty serious fans of this song and with good reason. This is a really cool guitar song.

Die For You is the only hiccup in what would otherwise be the perfect ending to an album. You could take most of what I said about Burning Our Bed and apply it to this song no problem. Pretty much word for word.

I love Dirty Dreams. It's really a fun Rock song. It's a great little interpretation of a dirty dream.

Wind-Up Toy is the perfect bit of insanity for me. I love scary, nightmare Alice, he's good for a story and a thrill or two, but he's got nothing on the truly mad Alice. I mean the complete display of insanity presented for your enjoyment. The more out of his mind and into the world psychotic malevolence the more I'm begging for it. However, as a counter point this song explains it all. If I were to put together the ultimate insanity album, and give it a narrative, this would be the opening track to give the back story before Alice goes fully off the deep end. Lyrically I've always had a very close affinity with this song, because it's just so raw and soul bearing. It's those moments of clarity that only drive you further and further into the abyss. "Voices come from down the hall / In my room all painted white / I have my bat and rubber ball / I like to sleep with them at night / But now I'm all smiles / The good little shots must be winning / Guess they crank my dial / My motor is stalled / But my wheels are still spinning / Daddy won't discuss me / What a state I must be / Mommy couldn't stand / Living with a wind-up toy / All my friends live on the floor / Tiny legs and tiny eyes / They're free to crawl under the door / And and someday soon so will I / But now I'm all smiles / These good little shocks must be working / I'm so happy now / Look my fingers don't shake / And my head isn't jerking / Daddy won't discuss me / Oh what a pain I must be / Mommy couldn't stand / Having such a wound-up boy / Doctors want to check me / Poke me and dissect me / What do they expect? / Feelings from a wind-up toy? / I don't think so / I'm just a wind-up toy / A wind-up toy / I'm lost in a nightmare / Shiny white halls / Drawing rats on the wall / Solitary confinement / Chained in a cell / Got my own private hell / The preacher crucifies me / Warden wants to fry me / I was never young / Never just a little boy / Daddy won't discuss me / Oh what a pain I must be / Mama couldn't stand / Having such a wound-up boy / I'm just a wind-up toy / I'm a wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / Wind-up toy / Wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / Wind-up toy / Wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up toy / I'm just a wind-up / Wind-up / Wind-up / Wind-up / Wind-up toy / I'm so happy / I'm just a wind-up toy / Wa wa wa wind-up toy / Wa wind wind-up toy / They come here every night / I see them / Don't you see them / Hmm that's odd isn't it / I'm so tired / I'm winding down / You'll have to go now / It's bedtime / Steven". Sadly this is one of those songs that never gets done live, and the one live version I heard never captured the same vibe. I basically look at this as my generation's Ballad Of Dwight Fry.

I seriously love this album. All my bitching and complaining aside this is my favourite album to come out of the 90's, not that there was much competition (technically only one other studio album, one live album with a single new studio song, and a box set). Were it not for 2008's Along Came A Spider, I could have said that this was Alice's last great album.

8/10 - content 10/10 - production 9/10 - personal bias

Skid Row - Skid Row

I'm not a Skid Row fan, and this album is so totally because of Andie. This album is so uber cocaine eighties Glam Rock. Oh, you couldn't ask for a more perfect example of what Power Rock Pop on coke sounds like. I think you could achieve the same effect slamming three Red Bulls in a row, but back then it was completely powder driven.

The lead off track is Big Guns. This song is the exact kind of song you would expect with that name, released in that time period.

Sweet Little Sister is a good driving song. It's got speed, a pounding rhythm, and really moves at a real heavy clip. However, like most songs you hear in a scene with cars, it doesn't matter five seconds after you hear it.

Can't Stand The Heartache pretty much carries on what I said in the last song, but this one let's girls bop around the house, being all eighties, and you can throw in some jeans and leather, and it's a good time. I will admit I do enjoy the breif solo. Piece Of Me is a bunch of pretty boys, with a pretty sound, trying to sound all rough and tumble. I really dig the rhythm, and like the way the bass works the back end, but it would sound better if it was buried. Also the solo is total shit.

18 And Life is so cliche of the poor little cast away rough boy, that it's instant panty peeler. Seriously, look at these words and set them to some heavy Arena Rock. "Ricky was a young boy, He had a heart of stone. / Lived 9 to 5 and worked his fingers to the bone. / Just barely got out of school, came from the edge of town. / Fought like a switchblade so no one could take him down. / He had no money, oooh no good at home. / He walked the streets a soldier and he fought the world alone / And now it's / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go / Tequila in his heartbeat, His veins burned gasoline. / It kept his motor running but it never kept him clean. / They say he loved adventure, "Ricky's the wild one." / He married trouble and had a courtship with a gun. / Bang Bang Shoot 'em up, The party never ends. / You can't think of dying when the bottle's your best friend / And now it's / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go / "Accidents will happen" they all heard Ricky say / He fired his six-shot to the wind - that child blew a child away. / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go / 18 and life You got it / 18 and life you know / Your crime is time and it's / 18 and life to go". The interesting thing about this song for me is the fact that it's under four minutes, but feels easily like it's five. I must give props to Dave "The Snake" Sabo for the lead work on this one.

I think that Rattlesnake Shake should have been a couple of different songs. There are parts of this song that just seem out of place, and makes the song sound disjointed in a way that feels wrong.

Oh how I want to mock, and rip on the next song. If there was ever a song that needed to be mocked by this band it's one of their biggest, Youth Gone Wild. Admittedly it's catchy and has a nifty hook, and you get to yell the bands name at one point, but otherwise, um, yeah, even the solo is a waste on this one. But, like I said there are some great hooks.

Okay I do kind of like Here I Am. It's not a bad track, in the sense that it sounds like filler from Alice Cooper's Trash album. One of the throw away tracks, that sounded like everything else, but with some fun words. This would be a great B-Side if it was done by Bon Jovi, or maybe Motley Crue.

The best par about this album for me is how short the songs on it are. Makin' A Mess, which is such a filler that it's whole point is for me to talk about the fact that every song on this album is under four minutes, most are under three and a half, with the exception of the last two tracks.

So, what's the longest song on the album? It's the big power ballad, I Remember You. This is 5:10 of why I'm not a fan of the music from this time period. Some people like it, but I will pass.

Midnight/Tornado is yet another song on the album I don't mind. I would be fine with this one thrown into a mix. It's got a decent groove to it.

Seriously, I really do not care for the music of this time period and I really don't like the sound of the album. It's pretty much Pop dressed up as Hard Rock. The members of the band have talent and you can clearly hear it. That's the only good part about the production. It's nice and crisp. It's also flat, and you can sense that a click track was being shoved up the drummers ass. I think the band was being held way too tightly to pre-planned tempos, while being jacked full of coke. If they had been given a different producer, instead of just being done all cookie cutter, I may have liked the album a bit more. It really needed to breathe, instead of just vibrate at high frequencies.

6/10 - content

5/10 - production

4/10 - personal bias

Type O Negative - Life Is Killing Me

There are many clear differences between certain Type O Negative albums, and that made opinions matter very much based on mood. However, I feel that Life Is Killing Me is their greatest accomplishment. When this album came out I recognized it right away. Every band has that one album, and everything else is just everything else. It's a little different for solo artists.

This ended up being the band's second last studio album, but at the time I really thought it was going to be the last album. It blew my mind when we got one more album four years later, but helped cement the fact that this album was the best of the best.

Thir13teen opens the album, and is a great little instrumental piece. If you look at the liner notes it says that it's from The Munsters tv show, and it might be that I sadly haven't seen the show in forever, but it really doesn't ring a bell. Still, it's a great little track.

I Don't Wanna Be Me is a great upbeat number that really should have been a bigger hit than it was. This song should appeal to just about every human being at some point in their life, at least once."I don't wanna be me anymore / Ever throwing at his home / Two glass houses, twenty stones / Fourteen yellow, six are blue / Could it be worse?.. Quite doubtful. / I don't wanna be me anymore / I don't wanna be me anymore / 1-2 / 1-2-3-4. / Two steps forward, three steps back / Without warning, heart attack / He fell asleep in the snow / Never woke up, died alone / I don't wanna be me anymore / I don't wanna be me anymore / 1-2 / 1-2-3-4. / Please don't dress in black / When you're at his wake / Don't go there to mourn / But to celebrate / I don't wanna be me anymore / I don't wanna be me anymore / 1-2 / 1-2-3-4. / I don't wanna be me anymore / I don't wanna be me anymore". I mean, how can you argue with that?

Less Than Zero starts with a soundscape track that is normal on a Type O CD. It then brings to mind articles I have read over the years about Pete Steele's love for lovey dovey Sixtie's Hippie's music. I use that as a comparison made by Goth, or Metal fans. But this song sounds like the perfect example of that kind of music, and not the kind of song the band typically does on their own. To this day I couldn't sing you a single part of this song, but that's because I hear the vocals as yet another instrument.

Todd's Ship Gods (Above All Things) is one of those songs that's great when listening to the album, or even in a mix, but I never go out of my way to listen to it.

I love the song I Like Goils. It's a great upbeat number, that the casual listener might think is homophobic, because people love to throw that around so quick and easily. However, it's actually Steele recounting his many various encounters, when he's been approached by men looking for a good time. "Come on, / Forget the jar of Vaseline / Hey rich-bitch boy I'm not gonna be your queen and yeah / You can drool, beg me and hope / There's no damn way I'm playing drop the soap, ok / I know I'm strange but I ain't no queer / So take your rage and disappear / But I'm proud not to be PC 'cause / I like goils / I like goils / I like goils / Bad goils all over this world / Now I don't know whose ass you've licked / No shit-tongued boy will ever taste my dick / He says "How 'bout no sex, we'll just be friends" / Hey no thanks Pal, I'll stick with lesbians, you're right! / A sexist pig, I guess it's true / I hate all men including you / I don't care what you think of me 'cause / I like goils / I like goils / I like goils / Bad goils all over this world / I'm quite flattered that you think I'm cute / But I don't deal well with compacted poop, so look / If my views make you annoyed / You're just jealous I don't have hemorrhoids, so now / To make it clear that you can't bone me / My tattooed ass reads "Exit only" / I don't care much for sodomy 'cause / I like goils / I like goils / I like goils / Bad goils all over this world / I like goils / I like goils / I like goils / Bad goils all over this world".

...A Dish Best Served Coldly is more in the classic depressive Type O Negative style. It's Peter Gothically pining for an extended period of time.

How Could She is actually pretty bitchin' musically. It's got a lot of groove and hook, then slides into a mellow remembrance of pretty much every female real or cartoon that was on the television in the 60's, 70's and maybe some early 80's. From there it slowly moves into the old school classic grind that's very standard with Type O, and would symbolize a man being worn down, until it comes back with some killer speed, groove and hook. There's a lot to this song musically, when lyrically it's like so many pop culture songs. Madonna's Vogue and Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire come to mind. However, this song is so much more interesting, because it's more than just a pop culture reference song.

It's been a while since I've listened to this album, so I forgot how the album's title track opened. I had to go double check it was the right track. The core of the song is pretty upbeat and has a great hook, and chorus. The opening of the song, on the other hand, would have you thinking that it's a more typical long winded depressing song, but like most of this album you'd be wrong. I also love the joke behind the line "Life is killing me."

Seriously, even at this point in the album you can tell that while various versions of Type O Negative styles are used, and some songs sound exactly as you'd expect from this Brooklyn band, there are so many dynamics and textures to so many of the songs. But the band clearly is much more evolved on this album than you'll hear on any other.

Nettie is another track that I love listening to, but only when the album is on. Like everything else on this album, it's arranged with a lot ov intricacy. I really think Josh Silver's keyboard work sounds great with it's Classical tones and fills. (We Were) Electrocute is one of the songs on this album I like to sing along with the most. Though I'm still bad with the lyrics. It just has one of those kind of melodies. "We were electrocute / In our has-been 1980's suits / So electrocute / Everyone we knew said it was true / That's when even strangers knew our names / Ten year's later sighed "what a shame" / We were electrocute / To make the point again is moot / Ssssssso electrocute / How on you I've wasted my youth / Your cold eyes of Coney Island sand / Hair dyed the blood of a foolish man / So proud to be by your side / We were a team no one denied / Even though I still miss your lips / You're about as real as your tits". This is one of the most straight ahead songs on the album as well. It does pick up some speed and gets a little heavier as it goes, but not in any complex way, like you find on other songs, on this album.

IYDKMIGTHTKY (Gimme That) is yet another song that you can't help but sing. At least that's what I think, which is why it's easier for me to call the song by a different name, If You Don't Kill Me I'm Going To Have To Kill You. The only reason I can think it was shortened the way it was, was just to see how many people would be able to get the letters straight when saying the title.

Admittedly my favourite song on this album is Angry Inch, which is a cover of a song, that's performed in a movie about a band with a transgendered vocalist. At least I think that's a fair quick description for Hedwig And The Angry Inch. I've seen most of the movie once and it's pretty good, but I'll take the Type O Negative version of the song any day. Also the greatest set of lyrics I have ever heard since Frank Zappa. "My sex-change operation got botched / My guardian angel fell asleep on the watch / Now all I got is a Barbie Doll-crotch / I got an angry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / I got a / I got an angry inch / I'm from the land where you still hear the cries / I had to get out to sever all ties / I changed my name and assumed a disguise / I got an angry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / I got a / I got an ingry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / The train is coming and I'm tied to the track / I try to get up but I can't get no slack / I got an angry inch, angry inch, angry inch / My mother made my tits out of clay / My boyfriend told me that he'd take me away / They dragged me to the doctor one day / I've got an angry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / I got a / I got an angry inch / A long story short: / When I woke up from the operation / I was bleeding down there / Bleeding from the gash between my legs / My first day as a woman / And already it's that time of the month / But two days later / The hole closed up and the wound healed / And I was left with a one inch mound of flesh / Where my penis used to be / Where my vagina never was / A one inch mound of flesh / With a scar running down it / Like a sideways grimace / On an eyeless face / It was just a little bulge / It was an angry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / The train is coming and I'm tied to the track / I try to get up but I can't get no slack / I got an angry inch, angry inch, angry inch / Six inches forward and five inches back / Stay undercover 'til the night turns to black / I got my inch and I'm set to attack / I got an angry inch, angry inch, angry inch". If you were wondering about the music, it's pure chest pounding adrenaline. A perfect counterpoint to this song.

The last three songs on this album are all just to come down off the high of the last track. The first one is Anesthesia, which is just about right. Seriously what a drop after the last track. Though to be fair, I most likely would have scrapped this song from the album myself. There's a part of it I don't mind, but for the most part I find this song the most basic of all tracks on the album. This is the one song you have heard on every other album by this band.

Drunk In Paris is a nice musical interlude. It's really a nice texture.

Then the album closes with The Dream Is Dead. This is the reason I thought the band was done. "Champagne glass of blood and wine / On chocolate hearts alone I dine / Candles weeping waxing tears / Ten for roses each one a year - disappear / Arrows fester in my heart / Each memory another dart / Love and death both colored red / Showing my past, the dream is dead / Another lonely Valentine's Day / I can't believe that things turned out this way / And though I hate to see you go / I know it must be so / Another lonely Valentine's Day / Nobody will break your fall / All for none, yeah, none for all / Nothing's so cruel as the truth / Join the Festival of Fools / Nobody will break your fall / All for one, yeah, none for all / Nothing's so cruel as the truth / Join the festival, my fools / Another lonely Valentine's Day / I can't believe things turned out this way / And though I hate to see you go / I know it must be so / Another lonely Valentine's Day / The dream is dead". Sure you can read them thinking it's another song about lost love, but in this case I really thought it was him singing that he was done with the band. And that aside, because of the content and what not, it was the most fitting way to close the album.

It's because of this album I miss the fact there will never be another Type O Negative album. I would have liked to see how they may have evolved with the rest of the world. Instead we will now have to just remember the legacy they left behind, and honour them by cranking this album.

8/10 - content

8/10 - production

9/10 - personal bias